The past few days out here have been a little icky.  You know, gray, cool, not very hospitable.  I know I was bitching in an earlier post that I want the cooler weather to come ( still do!) but I can’t help but appreciate a really beautiful sunny day like today.  I don’t have much to report actually, just felt like writing a little.  I’m trying to get Jessie to locate my printer so I can do some editing on a book I would like to send to a publisher before year end, and my hair is still atrocious.  You know the new Domino’s commercials with that little brownie guy running around?  That is what my hair looks like…short, square, and very very brown.

My cats were being ridiculously cute today so I sat in the middle of the living room and took like 50 pictures of them.  I wonder sometimes what kind of mother I will be to my future children.  Will I be doting on them like I am with the cats, or will I have the sense enough to treat them like people and push them to be individuals?  Who knows.  There’s no point in fretting about it now anyway.  When the time comes I will do what I see fit at that time.  That’s just the way I am.  With me, there is absolutely no point to plan anything ahead.  I like to go where I am led.  I never really planned to move to Washington.  Never really wanted to.  You want to know where my dream home is?  Maine.  I get a lot of raised eyebrows over that, but seriously.  It is not a very populated state because of the winters, and it would be terribly easy to become a hermit.  I kinda like that.  I have a huge problem with having close neighbors because I am incredibly self-conscious.  Every time I go outside, I feel like I am being watched, or that people are looking at me.  I know this is not true.  I’m a paranoid freak, but some things cannot be helped.  The point is, is that I would like to finally settle in a place where my house would be pretty far away from any neighbors.  I’d like to be out in my yard without anybody driving by or staring at me from their own yard.  Luckily for me, Jessie feels the same way, so hopefully we will reach a point in our life where it would be possible to move out  and away from other people.  I’d really like that.

I love to watch cooking shows.  Everyday at about 4 p.m. I turn the TV to Food Network.  I love to watch people that love to cook do their jobs.  I too love to cook.  I like throwing something together just out of the blue and watch Jessie snarf it down and tell me it is amazing.  It makes me feel good.

My mom is a great cook.  She’s a down-home type of gal and her food is always comforting.  I didn’t really learn to cook from her though because I was never allowed to help when I was little.   When Jessie and I moved in together, at first, I made the boxed crap.  That got old very fast, so I had my mom give me recipes for some of my favorite meals, and she kept telling me “I don’t know the measurements, I just throw it together.”    That intrigued me so I started playing more.  I made a lot of mistakes at first.  I made soup that was way too salty, and spaghetti sauce that was so hot it was nearly inedible.  But I learned.  I’m at the point where I can go to a restaurant and have something and go home and make a pretty good replica.

Jessie is a freak for soups so I had to bone up on my soup skills pretty early on in our relationship.  Now I can throw out soup recipes in my sleep.  There is another cooking show that I wanted to point out that should be pretty familiar with a lot of people by now, but if not, you can thank me later.  This guy is so funny and I love how innovative he is.  You just need to see it to understand.  So here you go…say “hi” to Louis.

Starvin’ with Louis

I know you’ll love it….as long as you don’t take it too seriously.

Ok, I am officially sick of hot weather.  Yeah, I live in Washington state where the weather doesn’t get NEARLY as gross as it did in WV, but I am sick of this weather mostly because of the clothes I have to wear.  The warmer months of the year always enhance my insecurities concerning my body image.  In order to keep from dying, one has to wear lightweight, not-so-covering clothes.  I always feel like I am over-jiggling or something.  In the cooler months I can wear jeans and sweaters and look almost human.  I can feel comfortable going out in public and not convince myself that people are looking at me thinking

“That girl needs to be wearing a smock over that outfit.  I’m trying to eat for God’s sake!”

My logical self tells me that I am completely stupid all the time.  Nobody is looking at me, and if they are it is because I am standing in front of something they want to see.  I have what you would call an average body.  I’m not special in either spectrum of the scale.  The simple answer that I can give to explain why I am so whiney and annoying about my body image is because I am a little bit of a perfectionist, and the fact that my body and looks are not as good as I think they should be, I am disgusted with myself….and I don’t like to exercise for 2 hours a day…..and I have an appetite to rival any man’s.  I try to be nonchalant.  I’ll just keep doing that.  I’ll work on being nonchalant.  Then I’ll be awesome……in cooler weather that is.