Yesterday was cleaning day around here.  I was a total mad-person.  I cleaned everything and then totally neglected making a wonderful dinner.  Why is this still bothering me today?  Well now all I can think about it the kickass dinner I’m going to make tonight.  It’s not a fancy meal with a rich French sauce, or a super fancy Italian delicacy….no.  Tonight I am making Bacon Burgers!

Do you understand the sheer joy of sitting down to eat dinner and being presented with the sheer beauty of a juicy hamburger topped with roasted onions, barbecue sauce, and bacon (among other toppings)?  Do you understand how that first juicy bite makes me squirm in my seat?  I complain about how my body is not the perfect picture of rail-thin beauty, but all those concerns go away when I am about to eat a bacon burger.  Who cares what size pants I wear when I’m eating a bacon burger?  Who cares if nobody would pay to see me naked when I am eating a bacon burger?  Bacon burgers are something almost divine.  Do you understand?  Does anyone understand how wonderful a bacon burger is?  If I am alone in this, then this is a world in which I prefer not to live!  If I’m not alone I propose we form the Cult of the Bacon Burger!  Our rituals will include the eating of many bacon burgers as well as the teachings of the Bacon Burger Vs. American Body Images, and let me tell you, Bacon Burger always wins people.  It is the Bacon Burger that makes sense in this life.  So I implore all of you to go out tonight (or any night) and get yourself a bacon burger, eat it, and lounge in the pure ecstacy that follows.  I’ll do the same.  Hail Bacon Burger.