Being married is both a blessing and a curse.  It’s not exactly an easy thing to share every aspect of your life with one person and have to fall victim to every aspect of their life all at the same time.  I’m going to discuss some of the complexities of marriage (or partnership); the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I decided to start with the ugly aspect because it is not only the easiest part about which to rant, but it is also my favorite.  So sit back and enjoy Part 1, and feel free to leave comments telling me I am a bad person…..even though this is already known to me.

When you share your life with another person, each person is put in the precarious position of being main support to their significant other.  This is a huge job, but it seems that some people do not take this position as seriously as they should, and it causes friction in the marriage.  Let’s look at an example:

Let’s say that Party 1 has been sick and bed-ridden for nearly three months.  Although Party 2 did everything in their power to make sure Party 1 was as comfortable as possible, Party 2 basically kept their distance.  Party 1 understands this because Party 1 is completely aware that they are not being the most pleasant company at the time.  Moving forward, let’s assume that Party 1 got some awesome medication and starts to feel human again and his/her first thought goes to his/her beloved Party 2 and how Party 1 was not able to fulfill many chores and duties during sickness and therefore Party 2 was forced to live without a few things that Party 1 is sure that Party 2 misses.  So on a beautiful day, Party 1 cleans the house to an immaculate state and cooks a wonderful big dinner, which is something that Party 2 was accustomed to before Party 1 became sick.  When Party 2 comes home, the clean domicile is overlooked and the meal is eaten quickly, seemingly without Party 2 having ever tasted it.  There is a quick thank you from Party 2, as Party 1 glumly sets about the task of cleaning up.  Fast forward 3-4 months.  Party 1 has been feeling better ever since and has been keeping up with his/her chores to the best of his/her abilities.  Party 1 makes sure the domicile is clean, food is on the table (unless Party 1 has a bad day and then Party 2 is good enough to take care of dinner), and also tries to be a stimulating conversationalist to Party 2 so that Party 2 feels appreciated and loved.  In all this time, Party 2 never thanks or shows gratitude for having Party 1 do all these things without being solicited to do so, leading Party 1 feeling unappreciated and overlooked.

The power of verbalizing gratitude and appreciation to your partner is enormous, yet it seems that so many people would rather just assume that their partner already knows these things.  If you believe this, you are WRONG.  Take a minute to tell your loved one how you appreciate them and all the things that they do to make your life happy.  It will help.

Sharing a home with a partner is also a nightmare for many couples, especially in the beginning.  Decorating is always an argument.  Say one person is a junk-whore and tries to hang ugly and tacky “things” on every square inch of bare wall possible while their partner would prefer to see a little bit of bare wall here and there.  Say one person enjoys cleanliness while the other person is a total pig, yet claims they are a neat freak.  Say one person still has pictures of themselves getting cozy and affectionate with an ex in a silver frame and tells the other they are overreacting when they throw a bit of a fit.  When you live with someone, you have no real privacy anymore.  What is yours is theirs, and visa-versa, at least if you want the relationship to work.  Money is a place when the whole sharing thing may go wrong.  At first it may be difficult for you to let your hard-earned money just be absorbed into a mutual account.  A lot of couples have problems with money and the whole sharing aspect of it.  Just remember, what’s mine is yours, what’s yours is mine and if you take advantage of this agreement, we are finished.  No secrets, either.  It’s not easy keeping secrets from the person who sleeps in the same bed and uses the same toilets as you.

Another big mistake made?  Staying friends with ex’s.  (Aschlie, you are excluded from this because you are MY friend first and Jessie’s ex second.  Besides, you’re too cool.)  There was, however, a problem with ex’s as friends in my relationship…..from both of us.  It’s just never a good idea.  You have to decide whether making your current relationship work is more important, or staying in touch with someone from your past.  Rarely can both worlds live peacefully.  Jealousy is an ugly beast, and everybody knows it from time to time.

Fighting is an everyday thing in a marriage or partnership.  Your beloved is the person closest to you in the world, and when you are frustrated, they are the easiest to yell at.  Just get used to being on the receiving end sometimes.  We all get yelled at for no good reason, but after some gentle prodding, we find out what the real problem is and can nurse our significant other back to sanity.  We also fight over real issues, so one must learn the art of fighting.  In every relationship there is the person who wants to yap for a bit, get frustrated, and walk away.  If they are lucky, this person is paired with someone who will chase them down and force them to finish the argument…even if it takes a few days.  This person may seem like a bully, but they understand that more damage will be done in letting the issue fester.  Yell it out, call them a fuckwad, do whatever…..just don’t let it end before it is finished.

And last but not least, sex.  The beginnings of relationships are mostly X-Rated because that is the only thing the two of you are interested in doing.  However, this wears off eventually and you are forced to go to sleep at night without having really messed up the bed.  You may have a partner who has a low sex drive (unless you are sick, and then they turn all pervy on you), or you may really just be too tired to put any effort into being the porn star your partner wants you to be.  All couples will face the day when one partner just lets out a loud *sigh* and says “Ok, but hurry up.  I want to finish this TV show.  Keep your head out of the way.”  Sex becomes something that you still enhoy, but it is not at the top of your priority list.  rarely are you and your partner in the mood at the same time, and rarely does the partner who would rather be asleep put out for the partner who wants to be getting busy.  This adds frustration and self-doubt many times, but don’t lose hope.  If you are certain you are the only person your beloved is going for their nookie, then don’t make it bigger than what it is.

This concludes Part 1.  It kind of turned into a lecture, and that wasn’t how I meant it.  Don’t think I’m being all  “Do it my way if you want it to work,”  I’m just drawing from my experiences.

Jessie and I were watching the Star Wars Robot Chicken episodes last night, and during one of the commercial breaks, one of those ITT Tech commercials came on.  The guy on the commercial was named Mark Dong.

Jessie:  “His name is DONG?!??”

Me:  *Choking on food and laughing*

Jessie:  “Don’t spit that out!”

Me:  “Dong, where is my automobile?”

If you don’t get that, you are a complete and total LOSER!  I’m refusing to reference that for you, it’s too easy.

Jessie works with a guy named, get this, DELETED.  Isn’t that precious?!?!  I think Jessie will always make an attempt to protect this guy from me, simply because I would simply be compelled to start yelling “OUTLANDER!”  or “He wants you too, Malachi.”  As for the Voorhies part of the name, well I’d have to ask where he put his hockey mask.  I’d make a total dick of myself, but that is seriously the greatest name a horror buff like me could ever hear! I’d probably just hold it in.  But that is still a totally cool name.

July 20-24 Jessie and I are going to Hawaii!  I am VERY excited for the trip, horrified of the 8 hour plane ride.  It’s totally safe to fly that late (almost 7 months), I’m just not looking forward to having to sit in an airplane seat for that long.  But oh well, it will be worth it!  We’ll take lots of pics!  Jessie won it as a free trip from a radio station if you can believe it.  So all we have to pay for is food and souvenirs.  I love it.  A last hurrah before parenthood.

I’d been meaning to watch Clerks for the longest time, but every time I would sit down and watch it, something happened and I never got further than Dante and Veronica having the argument about how many blowjobs she had given.  Jessie and I finally watched it, and were so enthralled by it that he immediately ran out and rented Clerks II.  OH MY GAWD.  Jessie had to pause the movie so that I could regain control of myself after Randal made the Lord of the Rings super geek puke.  I thought Star Wars geeks only fought with Star Trek geeks, but I guess the Lord of the Rings geeks need enemies too.  Every person from our generation needs to see those movies.  And if I ever hear some self righteous ass say they were “too silly” or “not very mature” I’m going to flip out.  The day that I’m too old to laugh at stupid stuff like nut shots and super geeks puking is the day they stuff me in a box and bury me.  People need to lighten the fuck up and laugh a little.  No wonder this country is so full of ass hats.  Dried up old people who think they need to act like dried up old farts to get through life make me sick.  I wanna be 80 years old and laugh every time I see someone get kicked in the nuts.  It may be a senile laugh, but I’ll be having a good time and not boring the people around me to tears.

I posted a few new picks on my flickr page.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/bubbletub83/

There are a couple up there just for my mom.  Some family members back east were requesting to see my belly, so I had Jessie take pics of the belly and post them on his webpage (also on my flickr page).  The main response we got was “why wasn’t your face in any of the pictures?”  My retort was a simple “Hey, you people can eat me, all you wanted to see was the mutated belly and you got it.”  But my mom said something gooshy….something along the lines of “But I wanted to see you, I never get to see you.” and since it is so rare to have my mom be gooshy, I posted a few pics of my face, looking pretty just for mommy on my flickr page.  However, in the future months when Jessie takes pics of the belly, they will only be of the belly.  I don’t friggin like having my picture taken!