I said I’d do it, so I’m going for it!  Let’s elevate this blog to a level of lameness rarely seen!

Ode to Bootsey

I have a little black and white kitty named Bootsey, but she also answers to the names Schmootsey, Snoobins, Wubbins, Wooby, Diddles, Diddly-Doo, Ichi Ban, Fuzzy Wuzzy, Wittle Bittle, and many others.  She has a soft black coat and super duper cute white feet with black paw pads.  She never lets her humans stay out of her sight for very long, if there is a case when her humans are gone she meows VERY loudly and it sounds like she’s screaming “NOW!”  When we come home from a shopping trip or an outing to Dairy Queen, she is always at the top of the stairs, ready to greet us with super sweet belly-lovins.  Unlike most cats, Bootsey is not spiteful.  It seems to be in a cat’s nature to be a little spiteful, but Miss Bootsey has the sweetest disposition I have ever witnessed in a feline.  She almost never gets in trouble because she is just a plain old good kitty.  She wears a really cute collar with daisies on it and a bell.  When I hear the little jingle bell ringing, I know that Miss Bootsey wants some lovins.  She likes to sit and watch us, not really wanting anyhthing other than to be near us.  She’s very quiet, almost never meows unless she is distressed or super happy to see us.   Just the bestest little kitty ever!

Lame enough?  Please tell me I made you puke!

Ok, now I need to bitch about something, and no, it cannot wait until tomorrow, so shut up.  I am a total music geek.  Proud to admit it.  I love to have music playing all the time and I love to have a wide variety of songs.  A couple Christmas’s ago, I asked Jessie to get me an ipod.  What I was presented with was a 4 gig ipod nano.  I was in love with it, very deeply, the way one loves a beautiful person who is not necessarily a person of substance, you just love that they look a certain way and make you feel a certain way by being seen with them.  My ipod was my trophy bitch.  I had it with me always, full of songs that I love.  Then suddenly, it stopped working.  Just like that, it started shorting out and turning off and the battery power disappeared.  It would only turn on when plugged into a power source.  Our first thought was, it must need a battery change.  No problem, right?  WRONG!  You have to send the damned thing in to Apple and have them replace it for you, but first you have to buy a specially made box and pay like $75 shipping to have it sent to Apple, plus the cost of the battery and work to replace the battery.  Complete and total bullshit, but I was still blinded by the beauty of the ipod so I was willing to do what it took.  You know what happened?  Me neither.  They sent the ipod back saying that the warranty had expired.  Ok.  Why the fuck didn’t you replace the battery, though?  I paid money to have that done, what the fuck does the warranty have to do with that at this point?  They also tried to say that they couldn’t find anything wrong with the ipod, which led me to believe they didn’t even take the friggin thing out of the box once they saw the warranty was expired.  So only ipods that are under warranty can get a battery replaced?!?  Assholes.  Then to make matters worse, when we wanted our money back, they said we had to go to an Apple Store to get that done.  We went to a store, a store that sold only Apple electronics and had a big Apple logo on the front of it only to be told that it was not an Apple Store, it’s an Apple Distributor.  WHAT?!?  That makes no fucking sense!  The nearest Apple Store is in another city and we totally did not feel it was worth it to go there just to get a refund we KNEW they would try to talk us out of anyway.  So we took it as a loss.  Now here I am, without an mp3 player and totally ashamed of myself for buying into the trendy Apple shit.  Why didn’t I get a no-name mp3 player?  You know what an ipod is?  It’s a portable hard drive that has software that plays mp3s.  Sounds super simple that way, and much less sexy than iPod.  I’m so fucking stupid, I swear.  You know what makes it worse?  While under the spell of the ipod, I told Jessie I’d like an iBook, and that he should get an iPhone.  I was totally brainwashed, and it was totally MY fault!  Why was I sucked in to a trend?  Why was I a pathetic follower??  I am so disgusted with myself right now that I can’t even see straight!  Why would I want to pay a completely unreasonable price for a laptop just because it is an Apple?  Why was I willing to pay a completely unreasonable price for a phone with a smudgy fucking screen just because it was Apple?  What was wrong with me?  I’m not a PC purist or anything.  I’m not a hater of Apple because it is different from PC.  I am a hater of Apple because it is an overpriced trend.  Sure they look good, sure they have a lot of stupid fucking commercials, but really, WHY WOULD YOU PAY FOR THAT?  It is so much more expensive than PC shit!  Oh God I think I’m going to hyperventilate!  I’m going to end this for now so blood doesn’t start squirting out of my eyes, but please, learn from my mistakes!  Research your electronics!  Make sure you are getting your money’s worth, and not just buying into a friggin trend!

I’m officially no longer blogging on myspace.  I dunno, it became depressing blogging on there.  It was like I was trying to hold on to membership in a club where I was never really a member to begin with.  Even though I was doing it to connect with friends, I felt more isolated, seeing that myspace is just a novelty and for a lot of people, the lure of that novelty has started to wear off.  I discovered, however, that I am a blog whore.  It is a great way for me to vent and to entertain myself, so I decided to continue with my blogging, but on a more private level.  If people from myspace want to come here to read the boring crap I have to spew, hooray!  If not, my life will go on.

Just as a warning, though, this blog is going to be totally lame.  Let’s analyze this for a second.  This blog is about me and since my life on a global scale of interest is basically the pits, that makes it very lame.  A typical Lameness Scale ranges from 1-100, 1 being least lame and 100 being 30 year-old D&D geek living in parent’s basement lame.  Just looking at this blog as being about me, that takes it to a modest 75.  However, I know that my mom will probably be reading this blog as well which will, in turn, make me feel that I have to edit and omit certain things because my mom WILL call my and say things like “I read your blog…” and wait for me to explain myself.  So with the me factor added in with the mommy factor, I am up to a 99.9 on the Lame Scale.  I guess really the only thing that could push me over to a 100 would be me writing a long, sappy ode to my cat or something.

In my last myspace blog Aschlie asked me why I had not commented on the eternally annoying Rachael Ray.  I hesitate to explain this because it ties into the whole “I’m pregnant and sick” crap and I’m really tired of talking about it since my daily life has become super fucking immersed in this misery.  Bottom line is this:  I can’t watch Food Network because the thought of food makes me sick.  It’s like in the beginning when I complained that every other fucking commercial on TV is about food and that was a huge reason why my once bountiful ass is now an inverted butt of shame.  There was about a 6-7 week period there in the second trimester where I felt good, but all that’s over now.  I’m going to give birth to a bloody elephant child.  Don’t worry though, my doctor keeps trying to reassure me that I won’t be pregnant forever, so hopefully I will be able to resume some form of a normal life after this little creep is born.

While I’m thinking about it, another thing that adds to the original Lame Score of 75 is my photo section.  I like Flickr, but the photos that I take suck.  They aren’t artsy fartsy or anything.  I have a lame-assed run of the mill camera that takes blurry, red-eyed, bad pictures.  Most of my pictures will be of my child and my cat.  Every now and then you might see a picture of my ugly mug appear.  Sorry about that.  That’s what you get for coming to a personal blog.  HA!

Ok, that’s all for now.  My next post?  Fuck it.  Let’s go for broke and get a clean 100 Lame Score.  I’ll write a soppy ode to my friggin’ cat!

Revisiting Ray-Tard

I’m not going to post anything new here until the site is finished, but this is for my muffin.  BTW, I was flipping through channels the other night when I noticed that Ray-Tard’s cooking show on Food Network had a new set.  That means that they have re-vamped her show, which in turn would mean that they are still making new episodes of this flake.  She is never going to fucking go away.  The world is dismal and gray once again.  Here are some links from past blogs I have made about friggin Ray-Tard.  *sigh*, Food Network is losing my support a little more every day.

Ray-Tard #1 Dead link

Ray-Tard #2 Dead link