Yesterday Lukas turned one month old.  He also had his second pediatrician’s appointment.  He now weighs 11 lbs. 11 oz. and is completely healthy and strong.  So the first month is over and I have obviously not fucked up too badly if he’s growing and is healthy.  I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to share.

Everyone who already had kids tried to make it sound like kids are hard work to the point of being burdens.  Nobody said what a good time I would have having a baby.  I’m having a blast.  Sure, he has his days where he cries all day long, but I’d rather do this any day over being pregnant.  And the sleep thing?  I wasn’t getting much sleep for the past 5 years because of Jessie!  I’m really not feeling drained and if Lukas does have a bad night, Jessie is kind enough to watch him for a couple hours while I catch up on sleep.  My pediatrician even made the comment yesterday that we seem to be having fun with our baby.  “It’s so nice to see someone enjoying their baby.  Too many people get stressed out and don’t enjoy this time, and it goes by so quickly.”  I’m keeping that in mind, too.  I’m going to suck this in and enjoy it and not let little things get to me.

With a little baby, everyday life becomes a fart joke.  I don’t know how something so small can have that much gas and not float away.

He smiled at me for real for the first time yesterday.  When I say “for real” I mean it wasn’t a reflexive smile, it was a smile in response to an action, like an eskimo kiss and my telling him he’s cute.  Imagine my surprise when I realized it made me cry.  I’d take his gummy dimply smile over a whole box of Krispy Kremes any day!

I didn’t realize how lonely I was until I had him.  I needed to feel needed.  I felt forgotten and left out a lot, but now I have a person who really needs me and I’m loving it.

Bootsey wants nothing to do with him, yet she is not mad at us because he’s here.  Cats can be spiteful and mean, but her attitude has not changed.  She’s still sweet and lovable, she just keeps her distance from the small screaming thing.

Before I had him, I was dead set on him going straight to his crib and sleeping there.  NO sleeping in my bed!  Then I had him and he slept in my hospital bed with me the whole time even though there was a bassinet in the room for him.  Then when I brought him home he slept in our bed because of the c-section and I had to do all the feeding.  Then when I started to feel better I toyed with the idea of putting him in his crib and gave a couple half-hearted attempts and then gave up.  Truth is, I like having him here.  I love snuggling with him.  I can keep an eye on his sleeping position so I know he’s safe.  I’m such a frigging mush.

I pumped colostrum from my breasts for two weeks.  It was very weird watching that thick yellow milk squirt out of my boobs in tiny thin streams.  My breasts are almost dry now and I did what the nurses at the hospital told me to do and kept them tightly bound 24/7 so they wouldn’t engorge and be painful.  There was no pain, BUT my breasts are now a lot smaller than they were before.  I’m talking pre-pubescent boy small.  Your breasts are supposed to get bigger after a baby, but I got smaller.  WTF?!?!  Will I never have glorious cleavage?

I guess, in a nutshell, I have learned that my experience is totally different than what people tried to tell me I’d have.  I’m glad.  He’s not a burden to me.  I wanted him and asked for him.  I don’t ever want him to think he was a bad thing in my life.  He’s terrific and I am so happy that I am having so much fun with him.  I love him.

Is anybody out there?  It seems my WV fan base of 2 has disappeared.  Where the hell are you guys?  Your online presences have been cold for a few days now and I’m getting worried.  Have the Halloween hookers gotten to you?  CHECK IN AND LET ME KNOW YOU’RE ALIVE!

I won’t talk about my wonderful, beautiful baby in this post.

I’m going to post a couple of pics of my belly.  Why?  Well I was always curious what a belly looks like after having a baby and I know it’s been three weeks and it’s not as poofy as it was, I’d like for you guys to see.  I’m also doing it for Karla, Jimmie’s wife.  She had her baby only two weeks before me, so I thought it might make her feel better to see how deformed my belly still is.  I want to do this, show this deformity also because I kinda lost all my pregnancy weight already and I feel a little guilty about it.  I always hated the women that bragged that they got their figures back really quickly after having a baby because I know that a large majority of women take a little longer to bounce back.  And really, the only reason why I bounced back so fast was because almost all of my pregnancy weight was my baby, not extra weight gained.  I was puking a large amount of the time, remember?  So I didn’t gain any weight on my body and I feel like a shit for it.  So have a peek at my loose jiggly belly riddled wth stretch marks.  And it still kinda droops and sags too.  It’s my treat.

NOTE:  The photos were temporarily lost due to a server migration.  If you’d still like to see them, let me know and I’ll repost them.

Besides my brother, Lukas is the only person on this planet who likes me just a little more than Jessie (if Jessie and I were to ever split, my family would ask what I did wrong, but my brother would have my back).  Don’t misunderstand, Lukas loves his daddy a lot.  When Lukas is having awake time, he has tons of fun with Jessie.  They bounce and make funny faces and you can tell very clearly that Lukas enjoys his father’s company.  However, if Lukas begins to cry for any reason, his father simply cannot console him and after a period of time, he gets handed to me.  I know I’m probably nothing more than a warm soft blanket to this kid right now, but it makes me feel relevant to his life that I can comfort him and get him to stop crying.  I don’t do it by shoving a bottle in his mouth or putting a plastic bag over his head, I just hold him and talk to him.  It’s like he’s saying, “Ok, Dad.  Fun time was great, but I’d like to go back to the warm soft blanket now,” and when this doesn’t happen quickly enough, he screams.  I sound like an asshole right?  I’m competing with my husband for our child’s affections, right?  No.  But it’s really hard for me sometimes to have to play the part of the Disney witch to Jessie’s helpless but oh so likable princess, especially when it is mostly other people who put me in that role.  Right now, my baby is blind to that and I’m enjoying it while I can.  You never know, down the road he may start to see me that way too.  Also, I love the fact that I put Jessie in the same category as The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty.  He can be a poof sometimes.

What is better than a Krispy Kreme?  Lukas right after a bath.  I never really cared for the scent of baby products until I smelled them in Lukas’ freshly washed hair.  It’s addictive.

This blog took forever to write!  It’s not so easy to do with a baby in one arm, but I managed!  I’m so hardcore!

P.S.  If any of you guys still pray, I wonder if you could say a prayer for Brandon.  He’s in Afghanistan until the Spring.  Although he assures me he’s safe where he is, he’s spending a second year of holidays away from his family and I know he’d give just about anything to be with his loved ones at those times.