I’m sitting on my couch wrapped in a super soft microfiber blanket.  Jessie is in the garage putting together a weight bench he just bought and Lukas is asleep in his Pack N’ Play.  Moments of peace like these give me a moment to be unbelievably thankful for my life. 

What the fuck is your last name now, Helen?  CONGRATUALTIONS!!  I hope you and Dennis will be super duper happy!  I think the reason that school isn’t stressing you out is because you are ready.  You’re not a smartass teenager who is just following all your friends to college.  You’re doing great.  And finals?  Good luck on that one, babe.  But honestly, when it’s all over, you can look back on some of the things you learned and you’re thankful. 

Aschlie, get the damned pool table back or I’m never coming back to WV!  I’ve got a hilarious song for you to look up.  You’re an Apple smartass, so go to iTunes and look up a band called Electric Six and download a song called "Gay Bar"  it’s a very funny song and you would appreciate it!  BTW, my mom would like for me to relay a message to you:  She said she is VERY proud to be a grandmother and doesn’t mind being called grandma and she also wanted me to remind you of the time she was driving you and me to a Salem basketball game and we were making faces at a car on the highway and he was chasing us in the car.  LOL…..remember that?  We were smashing our faces on the windows and flipping the guy off, it was great.  Her point was simply to imply that we are pains in the ass.  Priceless!

I’ll be taking pictures like a cracked out psychopath on a photographic orgasm flip, so be prepared!  Pictures of food, family and Lukas will be dripping from the walls!  HAPPY TURKEY DAY! 

I was very pleased to see that all you guys are as excited about Thanksgiving as I am!  Amanda, let me address you because I found your comment highly amusing.  OF COURSE a guy is going to muck up a holiday that is peppered with wonderful lesbian cooking and drinking!  I keep putting myself in a similar situation, and I can plainly see a drunk Jessie trying to get all of the girls to do sexual stuff while he videotapes it.  Good luck on that one, my favorite holiday cocktail is the cosmopolitan, I plan on drinking a few this coming week!  We also picked up the Samuel Adams Holiday Pack, so I’ll be having a few beers, I’ll keep you in mind!

Aschlie, if I still lived in WV, I’d cook for you and bring the feast to the bar as long as you played some pool with me. 

Helen, I hope you and Dennis have a good time.  How’s that flu going by the way?

Steph, I had a gingerbread latte last night….and it was oh so good.  I feel dirty now!

All of you guys eat lots of turkey for me!  I’m tired of being lonely, so keep me in mind while you wolf it down.  I’m going to make the most of this holiday.  My mom and Fred are coming and I have to say that I am really excited.  I was close to calling my mom once or twice in the past month or so and was prepared to threaten to never let her see her grandson if she did not board a plane to Seattle THAT INSTANT.  But I held my own.  I try to be strong, it just gets hard when you hold all the weight of your own life on your shoulders with nobody to help with the load.  I’ll be ok.

The title of this blog cracks me up.  For those of you who are not up to date on your Latin, let me clue you in.  Cogito Ergo Sum is a popular Latin phrase meaning "I think, therefore I am."  If you ever took a philosophy class, you know this.  Cogito Ergo Spud is similar.  It means, "I think, therefore I yam."  That’s so fucking funny.

I love stand-up comics.  I watch Comedy Central every Friday night just for the stand-up.  Well this past Friday, one of the comics hit pretty close to home for me, causing me to nearly wet myself on several occasions.  Let me lay it out for you, Jessie and Lukas were asleep and I was trying to level out so I could join them.  I’m sitting there watching and the next comic to come on looks like the goofy brother of Jessie’s boss.  It was like they looked alike, but this comic guy looked a little…well….special.  Compare it to Dennis Quaid and Randy Quaid.  You can almost tell they are related, but Randy obviously didn’t get the looks.  That was the first thing to crack me up.  Then this guy starts talking, and he starts talking about married life and making jokes.  Overall he was funny, but I didn’t start dying until he started talking about how women must feel.  I’ll relay what he said as closely as I can remember.

"Marriage isn’t easy for women, either.  Your husband is sleeping, and you’re looking at his big head while he’s drooling all over himself and breathing meat loaf on you that he’d eaten three days ago and you think to yourself, "I married this?"  (The big head comment cracked me up because I have looked at a sleeping Jessie many a time and thought to myself, "Damn he has got a huge head.")  And while you’re watching him sleep, and thinking about how stupid he is, you want to punch him just once.  You start itching to just clobber him in the head so he’ll sit up and ask in his stupid guy voice "what’s going on?" and you can innocently tell him he was having a bad dream."

By this time I had a pillow over my face in tears laughing so hard.  It was like this guy took a moment from my life.  Seriously.  To be straight with you, I have never punched a sleeping Jessie just out of malice.  The bastard snores like a bear and I’ve done a few things to him in order to try to get him to shut up for the LOVE OF GOD.  I’ve kicked him, elbowed him, poked him, plugged up his nose, stuck things in his ear, smacked him with the TV remote, beat him with my pillow, threatened to smother him with my pillow, put cold water on him, tickled him, pinched him, pulled his arm hair, and countless other things.  Half of those things never even woke him up.  It’s horrible.  I almost had myself talked into putting my cat’s butt in his face, but I didn’t go through with it.  He wouldn’t wake up from that, and my luck try to kiss me the next morning with cat butt all over his face.

P.S. To those who are interested, Jessie posted a new video of Lukas.  He’s doing the Time Warp and smiling.