It’s almost here!!  The best eating day of the year!  I can’t wait!  Oh the sexual references I could use to describe how wonderful turkey is….but I won’t do that because my mom reads this and she’ll be here for Thanksgiving.  Don’t want to gross her out and cause her to miss out.  Turkey is fucking great.

And oh the pies!  Pumpkin pie with french vanilla whipped topping!  Pecan pie served cold with a glass of milk or spiked coffee!

The gravy!  I make fantastic gravy that I put on everything! 

The smells!  Oh God, yes!  Waking up early in the morning, and the house is slightly cold, but as soon as you leave the bedroom, you can smell the glorious smell of the turkey you put in the oven the night before at a low temp to start the cooking..and to fill the house with the best smell in the world.  I hope I can give Lukas this kind of love…as my mother gave it to me.  Nothing can make me upset when I smell a turkey cooking.  Except someone telling me I can’t eat that turkey..or I need to diet.  WHO DIETS ON THANKSGIVING?!?!?  Vegetarians are morons too.  Who would willingly miss out on Turkey?  Ever heard of Tofurkey?  It’s tofu meant to taste like turkey.  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  I have nothing against tofu.  I eat it in soups and I think it is fine.  I have a huge problem with meat flavored tofu.  Tofu burgers and tofurkey are just…..they make me…..it’s just…..I CAN’T EVEN ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS WHEN CONFRONTED WITH SUCH A TRAVESTY!  Stop it, crazy people!!

On the left, my new mp3 player, the Creative Zen V Plus 4 GB.  On the right, my old iPod Nano 4 GB.  Not much difference in size, but oh the difference in the Suck Department!  First of all, the Creatve Zen was quite a bit cheaper.  Second, it is an mp3 player you have probably never heard of, right?  That means it is not some trendy piece of shit I got simply because that is what everybody else is doing!  That makes it awesome!  Seriously, the Creative Zen is just as good as the iPod in sound quality and playlists and all that crap, the only thing I miss from the iPod is the finger wheel thingy.  The Creative Zen has a super tiny joystick to get from place to place.  It’s a small difference and I’m willing to live with it if it means I am Apple free.  I’m not going to get into the tiny details of the specs on this thing because I have a baby sitting on my lap drooling milk slime on my arm.  The urge to dork out kinda leaves a person at a time like this.

How was everybody’s Halloween?  Would somebody please relay to Mary my congratulations and extreme admiration for her for getting married on Halloween?  That’s just fucking brilliant.

My Halloween was actually pretty good.  Nothing was different from,last year except for Lukas, but it really made all the difference.  We watched movies and gorged on junk food.  It was nice.  We even got Lukas doing the Time Warp, it was great.  You know what movie that is from, right?  You’d like me to tell you, right?  Yeah, I know you do.  I see you shiver with antici (say it!  say it!) pation!  I love that movie.  I just wonder when Lukas will be of an appropriate age to watch it with me.  I’m afraid I’ll be like my mom when it comes to censorship.  Blood and gore are ok to watch from infanthood, but strong sexuality is just wrong until you’re a teenager!  LOL.  I actually love it that way.  Some of my best childhood memories are of watching scary movies with my mom and brother and eating chips and dip.  I hope I can give Lukas similar memories.

I also recently learned what “yiffing” means.  For those of you who don’t know, “yiffing” means having sex with a person dressed as a “furrie”.  A “Furrie” is simply a person dressed as an animal.  It gets a little more complex than that at a more subtle level (as if that exists here) but you get the idea.  It’s actually quite a fetish for some people.  Jessie showed me some videos on youtube.  Juts type in “yiffing” and you get like these people dressed as cartoon-like animals doing sexy poses for the camera and stuff.  If you want the porn, google “yiffing” and you’ll find some very disturbing images.  I personally laughed while saying “ew” and feeling very uncomfortable.  LOL…..Yiffing.  People are sick!  Along those same lines, there is a guy out there named Ray Jones who considers himself a “rangerphile”.  Remember the cartoon Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers?  Remember Gadget, the female mouse?  This guy has a sexual fetish for Gadget.  He makes his wife dress as Gadget, he draws pornographic pictures of Gadget, and he sculpts little gross sculptures of Gadget.  Keep in mind Gadget was a mouse.  A small mouse.  He never changes her size, even for the sexual drawings.  It’s basically a naked little mouse sitting on his wee wee and licking it.  That one wasn’t so funny to me.  That one kinda scared me.  Look it up folks, I shit you not.

And I’d like to take a minute to bitch about something.  I love Alice in Chains.  I love Jerry Cantrell.  I used to have a picture of this man as my desktop wallpaper, but he has since been replaced by Lukas.  I still love him and would love to lick his face.  Alice in Chains was started in Seattle.  They come here every year.  Last year I couldn’t go see them because my mom and Fred were here for Thanksgiving and they wouldn’t want to see them because Fred is a Rush fan, and Rush sucks.  If you disagree with me, you are wrong.  Period.  They are here again this year, this weekend actually and I had tickets.  They were mine!  Jessie’s company did a website for a concert series that his boss accepted to do because he knew I was an Alice in Chains fan and he knew they would get tickets.  When I heard the date of the concert this summer, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go.  Lukas is still a newborn and assuming that I knew anybody out here well enough to trust my baby to, I still wouldn’t be comfortable leaving him yet.  That sucks people.  Just plain fucking sucks.  Maybe next year.  Lukas is an AIC fan already anyhow.  He used to listen to them in the womb and he loves to listen to them now.  The kid has great taste, and it’s going to stay that way because Jessie will never pervert my child with his fucking Yanni music!  NEVER!  If you disagree you are wrong.  People who like Yanni need to be lobotomized.  I mean really.  What the hell, people.

BTW, Stephanie, I posted some pictures of Lukas using his star towel!  I have two of them, one I bought and the one you got.  He uses one at every bath time and we never thought to take pictures  of it because he’s usually pissed off beyond comfort by the time he’s out of the bath and I’m rushing to get him lotioned and dressed before he stands up and tries to kill me.  He’s been close a couple of times.  He wore his dino socks yesterday because they were part of a really cute dino outfit, but the socks, unfortunately, were involved in an incident with a poopie diaper.  Didn’t think you’d want pictures of that.  Good news is, the dino socks are one of only a few pair of socks that even fit this kid anymore, so they’ll make a comeback on laundry day!  Thanks again for those gifts!  My son can now be dry and have warm feet because of you!