I had to change a poopie diaper today.  Why would I consider starting a post that way?  I have been a mother for three months, so one would assume that I have changed hundreds of poopie diapers.  You would assume wrong, asshole.  Lukas is not what one would call a Super Pooper.  This has been something we’ve always struggled with.  When we were in the hospital, he passed his meconium (first poopie) very quickly and was pooping at least once a day.  When we got him home, however, he didn’t poop once for like three days, so we called the hospital and had a very kind nurse explain to us that sometimes formula-fed babies just don’t have regular bowel movements and if he should go 2-3 days without pooping and the consistency of the poop is no thicker than that of peanut butter (ew), then we have nothing to worry about.  And that is the way it has been ever since.  He was doing pretty good there for a while, one poopie a day, but then he hit a growth spurt and started eating a lot more and I started him on rice cereal so I’m not always having to shove a bottle in his mouth every five minutes.  Then he went back to pooping every 2-3 days.  It’s starting to even out again.  He’s up to every other day and today I got stuck with it.  Now considering this kid eats like a champ and only poops every other day, it’s not like a Niagra Falls of poopie or anything.  He fills the diaper, sure, but it’s nothng to frighten little old ladies.  It’s basically poop peanut butter.  Really smelly, warm, poop peanut butter.  And he makes that hilarious face when he does it too, so if the horrendous smell coming from his butt weren’t enuogh to tip me off that a poopie diaper change was forthcoming, the pooping face will do it.  I basically just sit and laugh at him until I know the deed is finished and then cautiously remove the soiled diaper, in hopes that a wet flatulence does not spray me with poop peanut butter.  He’s very good natured about the whole thing and sits and laughs at me as I gasp in horror and attempt to keep his feet out of it.  Which brings me to another thing…he almost always gets it on his feet!  We’ve learned to remove his socks when he poops so as not to soil the socks, but we always have to spend quite a bit of extra time holding him down and stopping the incessant infant kicking so we can get the poop peanut butter off his feet.  I’d puke if I ever got that stuff on my feet.  Seriously…puke…..all over the place. 

Infant formula these days is all iron fortified, now that might lead you to believe it simply has a little bit of an iron punch in it, but this stuff smells VERY strongly of iron.  It even tastes like metal (yeah we tasted it, so what?!?!).  So imagine iron fortified poopie.  It’s horrendous.  Luckily the rice cereal and pureed fruit have toned down the metallic smell a bit, but sheesh!  I never thought I’d be saying that fruit puree poopie is a relief, but it is.  Warm metal and poopie, not a good bouquet to waft into your nose.  Not at all.  

I will never post pictures of poop on his socks or anywhere!  The best you weirdos can hope for are the pooping face pictures I posted a while back.  I still look at those pictures and crack up.  He’s not in pain or anything…just having a poopie.  A big peanut butter poopie.

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