I have nothing to write about, I’m just bored.  Lukas is napping and I SHOULD be exercising and getting my fat ass to look a little more pleasing, but I’m comfortable sitting here right now…SO…..

I’m also expecting a response from a WVU advisor about how to finish my degree once and for all.  Now that Lukas has been born, I’ve decided that once he hits a certain age, this domestic wife shit ends.  I don’t like it.  I’m isolated and bored.  I find myself latching on to Jessie in a way that I find waay more annoying than he does.  I want to go to graduate school, get a career and do something that makes me feel as good as motherhood.  I want to be an individual again, not Jessie’s little wifey.  Screw that.

The diet and exercise thing are still going really well.  I haven’t messed up too badly.   Still exercising regularly and eating as well as I can muster.  The thing about me is, I really actually like to exercise.  I love the way I feel when I make myself do it and I love the way my body feels as it starts to tone up.  However, I HATE dieting.  Right now, I am on a low calorie diet to lose a little weight so I am basically eating frigging rabbit food and I hate it.  I’m taking about one day a week to eat something naughty and still try to stay in my calorie range.  Sometimes it is successful, sometimes not.  I just love to eat.  I keep seeing these completely gorgeous women who are round and carrying a little weight to them.  They are so comfortable in their skin, so comfortable with their bodies and they eat some healthy portions at meantime.  I wish I could be comfortable with a body that would let me eat what I want, but I’m not.  My problem is that I am a bit of a perfectionist and a self-loather.  I hate that I am not as perfect as the magazines at the grocery store tell me I should be.  Why can you not see all the bones in my body like the magazines say are what’s beautiful?  I’m torn because I find that body type to be very un-feminine yet I want to be what is expected of me.  Does that make sense?  Oh to have lived 50-60 years ago back when women like Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe were considered the most beautiful women.  I watched Cleopatra with Jessie this weekend and I am always awestruck by how GORGEOUS Elizabeth Taylor was in that movie.  By today’s standards, she was a porker back then, but really it looked soft, round, and very womanly.  Why are women that more or less resemble boys with breast implants the gold standard today?  I always feel an inch tall when I hear a guy talk about how hot super skinny girls are and how they hate fat chicks.  What the hell?  I rarely hear women, REAL women (not those barbie doll idiots on Girls Gone Wild) refuse to see a man based on his looks.  In my experience, good looking guys know it and are a waste of time.  It’s the more average looking guy, not the supermodel guy who gives you a bigger bang for your buck.  They have personality and are kind and caring.  I’m not saying Jessie is ugly, so stop it!  I think he is very good looking, but I’m sure we’ll never see him on the cover of a magazine.  I lost my train of thought…..I seem to have caught Helen’s Disease.  Uhhh….oh nevermind!

Oh well, I just wanted to blog for a minute, now I guess I’d better get my jiggly butt moving.  Got a lot of sweating to do and some fatness to lose.  Buh Bye.