Back to School
So I am filling out my undergraduate admissions application at WVU……..again. I need to be readmitted because this awesome advisor is going to help me get this really cool degree through WVU so I don’t have to worry about what credits of mine will transfer and which won’t. So I’m going back to school. I always said I would. I worked really hard in college and did really well. I was on the National Dean’s List my last two years and I actually LOVED school. My reasons for leaving were my own and I always felt bad that I had to do it, especially since people were so judgemental about it. "You’re a college drop-out" is what I always saw in their eyes and it made me feel like shit. But I always had it in the back of my head that I would go back…just to finish what I worked so hard to start. I WAS going to wait until Lukas started going to school to do this, but I can do this with online courses and night classes, and that is great. Here’s my plan FOR NOW: get my Bachelor’s degree with an emphasis on both English Literature and Psychology, and then when Lukas starts school, apply at the University of Washington to get my Ph.D. in Psychology. I wanted to do that back in WV, get my Ph.D. in Psychology, but other things came up and I had to drop that dream, but now I want it back! I want to give a big ol’ finger to those assholes who always made me feel like a loser and MAKE them call me Dr. Canon. Especially the asses I’m related to. I won’t be starting until at least the fall, but Ireally want this for myself. REALL REALLY want this. The way this came about is that after Lukas was born, we got life insurance. It got me to thinking that if something happened to Jessie, I’d have his life insurance, but that’s not enough for anything. I’d basically be fucked and have this baby to take care of and the last thing I want to do is impose on anybody because I’m basically helpless without him. I HATE that feeling. I want to be able to take care of my son. I want to be able to contribute to my family. I don’t feel like I do anything as a housewife. It’s VERY unrewarding when you’re married to a very nice but unappreciative husband. When you’re a housewife and you work to keep your family well fed and clean, your job satisfaction comes when you see that you are appreciated, and I’m really not getting that. I’ve gotta get out of this fucking house and do something with myself. I need to go back to school and get a job. I’m going batshit.
helen said,
January 25, 2008 @ 3:56 pm
i’m glad you are going back for you … i never thought you would do it because anyone else said to or anything but you have that feeling that i had….the I REALLY REALLY want to do this… except i had never started in the first place.. i just wasnt ready… and after my military failure i had a lot of problems with myself….. it’s taken me six years to finally figure out that im not a loser unless i wanted to be…dont take that wrong … i didnt think that i was a loser because i didnt go to shool …. but i felt that even if i would have tried i would have failed since the first thing that i tried didnt work out i felt like i failed everyone around me…something that i’ve always had problems with… the “i’m not good enough or smart enough” … finally i said fuck it and i jumpped into it…. and i am smart…. not the smartest but i like to study and i like going to school i like meeting people ( even though some annoy me) … i just like having the feeling back that i am worth something and that i CAN do anything that i put my mind to
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Amanda said,
January 25, 2008 @ 5:42 pm
Yay!
it’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival, la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaa, eye of the tigerrr…
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Aschlie said,
January 29, 2008 @ 10:01 pm
I’m still a loser and not making anything of myself, lol…so all I have to say is THANK YOU JESSIE FOR MAKING IT NUMBERS! I’m sorry I’m an idiot and you had to fix that for me, lol…
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merrywifeofcanon said,
January 29, 2008 @ 10:28 pm
Stop it, Aschlie! You are worth a lot to a lot of people so shut the hell up before I come out there and kick you in the junk! I’m actually kinda sad that Jessie fixed the code. I got a good laugh every time you guys had trouble, but I’m a dickhead. Helen, I’m glad you’re feeling worth something again. You always struck me as an upbeat kinda gal, but I can relate to losing a sense of self worth. I hope you’re really proud of yourself. Really, I do. Amanda…DAMMIT! I haven’t been able to get that damned song out of my head for like three days!
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