The other night, Jessie and I were lying in bed watching TV and my stomach started grumbling.  Because he is a nice guy, he asked if there was something he could bring me from the kitchen.  I asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he went "hopping" if you know the term.  It took him for freaking ever to come back up with that sandwich.  PB&J is in no way an artform.  You put peanut butter on one slice of bread, grape jelly on the other slice and smoosh them together.  Now listen, grape jelly is the only jelly that’s good on PB&J.  Don’t get all weird and try any other kind of jelly because you’ll just fuck up and wonderfully simple and perfect thing.  Back to my story:

After a LONG LONG LONG wait, Jessie comes up with my sandwich (or sammich as I like to call it) and my camera.  I become scared because he had been talking of taking naughty pictures earlier that day and I immediately became guarded.  He assured me he just brought it up so he could take pictures of me being cute so he could put them on his desktop at work.  Because he is my husband and I believed him, I settled down and took my first bite of my sandwich.  Jessie just stood beside me, holding the camera.  I started getting uneasy.  I swallowed my first bite.  Then Jessie pulled up a picture he had taken on the display screen of my camera and showed it to me.  Before I tell you what he said and what the picture was of, let me tell you what he thought would happen and what really happened.

This is what Jessie thought would happen:

Jessie:  *Says something and shows me picture.*

Me:  "EW!  Oh my God, Oh my God.  Jessie!  EEEEWWWWW!"

Jessie:  *laughing*  "Oh sweety it’s not real, that’s only a joke.  Funny huh?"

Me:  "Oh Jessie, you are just a barrel of monkeys!  Let’s do it!"

Jessie:  "Awesome!"

This is what really happened:

Jessie:  *Says somethiing and shows me picture.*

Me: *Throws sandwich across the room and starts calling him a dirty fucking dog."

Jessie:  *Runs across the room to rescue the sandwich and looks stunned.*

Me:  *Sitting in the middle of the bed glaring at him.*

Jessie:  "Somer!  I wouldn’t really do that!  It was a joke!  I used a heel of bread and threw it away!  You never use them anyway!  You know I wouldn’t really do that!"

Me:  "You are a disgusting dog!  I can’t believe you!  Am I just one of your gross guy friends?  You can’t do that and expect me to laugh!  That’s disgusting!"

Jessie:  "It was only a Joke, I didn’t really do it to your sandwich!  It’s ok to eat this!"

Me:  "I’m not hungry anymore!"

Jessie:  "Yes you are, now eat this, it’s ok."

Me:  "NO!  I’m not eating anything you serve to me you dog!"

Jessie:  "Sweety, I didn’t do it!"

Me:  " I want a new sandwich!  I’m not eating that thing!"

Jessie:  *sigh*  "I’ll make you a new sandwich.  I didn’t really do that though.  You know I’m not that bad."

Now, here is what he said to me and what I saw on that display screen.

Me:  *Swallowing first bite of sandwich.*

Jessie:  "I put something special on this sandwich for you."  *shows me picture of his ‘JUNK’ on a piece of bread that I immediately take to be a part of the sandwich I was at that moment eating.  You know the rest.

I can fit into my skinny jeans from before I got pregnant!  Guess what else!!  I don’t need the girdle anymore!  Guess what else!  I got checked out be a guy ( a creepy guy) on Sunday!  It’s been like 5 years since that has happened!  Now look, I don’t need men falling at my feet, but an appreciative glance every once in a while is good for a dead ego.  My self confidence is coming back, I’m feeling so much better.

I’m feeling a lot better about myself.  My biggest problem with my looks is my chin and neck area.  I’ve got what you might call a "soft chin" meaning that having one chin may never happen unless I get back down to wearing a size 3 again.  I’m not too keen on that idea, so I’m trying to accept the double chin and wrinkly neck thing.  These things take time.

I’ve got nothing new to report.  Waiting for WVU to get back to me so I can get started on picking out classes.  Cleaned house yesterday and shampooed (sp?) all my carpetting because I was just feeling icky and wanted them clean….Like right the fuck NOW. 

Going to be making out a will here very soon.  Having a kid and buying life insurance makes you think about these kinds of things.  When you’re young, so many of us tend to think that death is something in the very distant future, but I need to have my plans on paper so no fuckwads try to do what THEY want. 

I’m getting sick.  I think it’s the flu.  It’s 45 degrees outside and my house is quite cold yet I’m sweating like a whore in church on Sunday.  Not a pretty thing.  Nothing else to write about either…………