I was keeping quiet about it because I was so sure it was true.  I didn’t want to say anything until I was completely positive.  

Yesterday I took a pregnancy test.  I’d been feeling funny.  Nauseous, loss of appetite, BAD acne, bigger sensitive boobs, and just a strange feeling.  I tried to push it out of my head.  The idea of having to go through ANOTHER pregnancy from hell while taking care of a baby, then recovering from another c-section while taking care of TWO babies all by myself is not what I consider fun.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the baby that is unwanted.  If I could have a normal pregnancy, I’d have three more….seriously…because have you seen Lukas?  Have you seen the adorable mass of giggles and love I am lucky enough to call my son?  I’d have 10 if my body allowed for it!  But I tried to tell myself that it is in no way a bad thing to bring another child into this family.  It would be loved and cherished and would have everything it ever needed.  Why was I worried?  I got through it once before!  So I started getting a little excited.  I was planning on moving all of our office stuff downstairs into storage, turning the office (which is a bigger room) into Lukas’ room and keeping the other room as a nursery.  Yeah, that would work!  And with two babies I couldn’t bitch about how bored I was anymore.  Then, yesterday, I took the test.  Two of them actually….two different brands. 

They both came back negative.  I cried.  Then I watched "Look Who’s Talking" to cheer myself up and cried some more.  Until this little scare, I was 98% sure I was finished having kids.  Now I don’t know anymore.  I just don’t know.

Last night, Jessie and I were cuddling on the couch under my the whole family’s (lukas included) favorite blanket which we call Mega Fuzzy.  It’s one of those super soft super plushy blankets that is just sooo wonderful.  Anyway, I go get a diet coke and I sit next to Jessie.  When I open it, the can fizzes and starts to leak..you know how it works when a can has been shaken.  My first thought was to keep all the pop from getting onto my beloved Mega Fuzzy…so what did I do?  I pointed the can at Jessie who sat there helplessly as pop sprayed him.  I wasn’t looking at him, I was making sure nothing got on Mega Fuzzy but when I did look over at him, I was immediately in hysterics.  The calm guy that was sitting next to me had a white t-shirt that was mostly brown in the front and fairly soaked.  He stands up, looks down at himself and asks simply, "Why?"  Sorry Jess, I was trying to save Mega Fuzzy….you were a casualty of a fizzy pop can.

One of our favorite stories to tell is when we were both still in college in Morgantown.  We were living together in our little trailer in Star City.  It was winter time and we had parked our car in the coloseum parking lot and were taking the bus up to the PRT so we could get to class.  As we were sitting on the bus, I noticed that somewhere on my walk to th back of the bus I has acquired a Public Transportation Booger on my jacket.  I was horrified that there was an alien booger on my clothing and my first reaction was to get it off me and away from me.  Without really putting much thought into it, I removed the foreign booger and wiped it on Jessie.  Jessie looked down in horror at he Public Transportation Booger and asked me why the hell I had wiped it on him.  "I honestly didn’t think you’d mind!"  I said.  "Everything in the free world ends up on your shirts anyway!"  Jessie was disgusted and properly disposed of the Public Transportation Booger by wiping it on the seat in front of him and then chastising me for it until present day.  I still hear about the booger I wiped on him….but really, I honestly didn’t think he’d mind at the time.  If I had taken a moment to think about it then, I would have known he would have minded, but I was so upset that a stranger’s booger was on me, I just wanted it gone.  The moral of this story?  Ask your loved one if they mind before wiping boogers on them.  Five and a half years later and I’m still hearing about it, and it’s still as funny as it was on that day.

"That first picture you posted of me is all distorted. It makes my head look really long."

"No, Jessie.  That’s what your head actually looks like."

"No it doesn’t!  Does it?"

"Don’t I always tell you you have a huge head?"

Hehehhehehe, now I can’t look at that picture without laughing.  We all have an idea of what we look like that is totally different from what we actually look like which is why videos or photographs featuring ourselves are usually so painfully shocking.  Damn, we’re not hot like we kept thinking!