I had a really fucking bad dream last night.  I had a dream that I was in a store like Big Lots and I was sitting on a bench near the entrance and I had Lukas on my lap.  Jessie was standing in front of us talking and I was trying to get him to look behind him at all of the cute little Halloween costumes they had out.  When Jessie finally did look, I got up to stand next to him.  Lukas wanted down from my arms and since he is still only a scooter and not a runner, I let him down.  I looked up at Jessie and then down at Lukas and Lukas was gone.  I knew instantly that someone had taken him and I ran outside to the parking lot.  It was dark outside and I saw a fat older woman scurrying to her car so I ran after her.  She started her car and I was trying to read her license plate and make of her car but I didn’t have my glasses on so I ran up and smashed my arm through her driver’s side window and took the keys out of the ignition.  I saw she had a car seat in the back of her car, but no Lukas so I went to grab her and I felt him under her shirt.  I got him back and called the police and they detained the woman and they took Lukas away from me and gave him to Jessie and told Jessie to go away because I was so distraught and I was freaking out because they wouldn’t let me see my baby.  The dream ended with me screaming at them.  I’m having my "time of the month" and woke up to blood literally POURING out of me and I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.  It was all over my pants and hands ( dunno how it got on my hands) but I had a fine mess to clean up.  I was still really frantic from the dream so after I got cleaned up I ran downstairs and luckily Jessie hadn’t left for work yet and I got to get some lovin’ comfort from my hubby. 

When Jessie’s parents where here, Tina was telling us about how she was really paranoid to let the boys out of her sight when they were little and they ALWAYS held her hand when they were out.  She said it was because of a case that happened around the time we were all little.  A little boy was in a toy store with one of his parents and he was just a little ahead of the parent and rounded a corner and when the parent got there, the child was just gone.  They found the little boy’s decapitated head not far from the mall.  I can totally understand why this traumatized Tina because I am now traumatized as well.  Lukas Drake will be holding Mommy’s hand in public until he’s 18.  I’m pretty sure I’m not kidding about that either.  The thought of someone taking him and hurting him literally makes my brain click.  I would have to be committed if something happened to him.  I just can’t shake that dream.  Does that happen to anyone else?  You have a bad dream and it just basically makes your whole day shitty?

Please tell me I did not just see Larry the Cable Guy pitching NutriSystem.  Please also tell me that Dan Marino did not let himself be dressed like Larry in an attempt to be funny.  This shit has to stop.  The guy is not fucking funny.

He’s changed so much in the almost nine months I’ve had him.  He’s HUGE.  I went to a cookout at Jessie’s work last Friday and one of his coworkers has a daughter who is almost two and I am not kidding when I say that Lukas was only maybe 4-5 inches shorter than her.  I mean, I know I had a big baby.  I was the one pregnant with him, but seeing that sometimes just drives the point home more firmly. 

He’s so cute, still.  I didn’t think I’d be the type of mom that would be THIS gaga over my child, but I am.  I stay home with him all day, and he does wear on my nerves sometimes, but I can’t say that he drives me crazy.  He makes me smile way more than irritate me during the course of a day.  I’m thankful for that a lot of days.  Those long eyelashes, blue eyes, and that contagious smile are the best thing I’ve got in my day-to-day life. 

When we pick him up, he’s starting to hug us.  It used to be that we would pick him up and he would just sit there with his arms wherever, but now he wraps his arms around our necks and lays his head on our shoulders and let me tell you that that is the sweetest thing.  It melts your heart so instantly when your baby hugs you and you know that they need and love you.

Even though he’s crawling now, it’s not what you picture when you picture a baby crawling.  He uses his arms and his right leg…it looks like an army crawl.  He does it out of necessity and it frustrates him immensely that he doesn’t move faster.  He was just never really completely on board with the whole "crawling" thing so we practice walking everyday and he is getting SO good at it.  We hold his little hands and stand behind him and he starts taking these delicate, ginger little steps and giggles the whole time.  It’s easier to do when Jessie is home so he can walk to one of us.

Just because he’s not happy about crawling doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend most of his day doing it.  He’s everywhere!  Luckily, the living room is baby-proofed and mostly ok for him to go around.  When he does try to get into soemthing he’s not supposed to, he knows what "no" means and my shaking my head.  You have to tell him about 15 times, but he knows.  Babies definitely teach you patience.  It’s not hard to remember that they are babies and can’t remember that you said "no" just a second ago.  I don’t understand people who can sit and scream at their kids all day.  I’m just glad Lukas is curious. 

I’m not sure, but I think he’s starting to call me "Bwah Bwah".  He was doing it all day today.  He would want me and start going "bwah bwah!" and I would try to correct him by telling him that I’m Momma, but he’d get mad at me and scream "BWAH BWAH!"  And no, he didn’t want his bottle, he wanted me to come play with him or hold him, so don’t think he was trying to say "ba ba".  He mostly babbles at this point, but he does it a LOT.  He’s a very vocal little guy. 

I am SO excited about his birthday.  A part of me is sad that it will only just be the three of us, but another part of me, that part that has to keep the rest of me together in this place, says that it’s not a bad thing for him to be close to his parents like this.  It’s going to be a Sesame Street themed party.  I’m making him a cookie monster cake and I’ve got almost everything.  His presents (minus those from Grandma Yuengling) are in the basement already wrapped.  Let’s just say that I’m going to have to work pretty damned hard to make the rest of his birthdays top this one. 

I love him so much.  I’ve surprised myself in seeing how I am as a parent.  I’m way different than I thought I would be.  Totally way different.