Jessie:  "Would you be embarrassed if you somehow became bed-ridden and had to poop in a bed pan and I had to clean up your poop and wipe your butt for you?"

Me: "Oh, God.  I would have to leave you if that happened."

Jessie:  "WHAT?!?  So I’d have to clean up your poop and you’d leave me?"

Marriage is being able to say anything. 

If you were to look in my recycling bin right now, you would find (among other things) the following:  five wine bottles and a gallon jug of vanilla vodka.  We take our recycling out weekly.  My home will heretofore be referred to as Boozers R’ Us.

Still nothing really interesting in my life right now. My days are mostly spent CLOSELY watching Lukas. He’s so cute and him crawling is a great thing. I absolutely love it, I just have to be present and ever vigilant because that little stinker knows what he is not supposed to touch and if he thinks I’m not watching he heads right for it, so we end up battling on the floor with me saying "no" about four thousand times and him crying at me when he realizes that I’m not budging, and then me comforting my crying baby and then it all starts over. It DOES get a little frustrating and I’m only hoping I have enough liquor to last the month. When he goes to bed, Mommy needs a drink. But don’t take that the wrong way. I love him so much and he still keeps me laughing pretty much all day, it’s just hard trying to get a little baby to bend to your will. He’s so sweet and innocent and I feel bad that I’m having to impose rules on him already, but it has to be done.

My mom and Fred will be here on Monday. They’ll be here until Saturday and I’m really excited. The life of a stay-at-home-Mom is so lonely and isolating it’s always so exciting to have someone to talk to, or soemthing to do. She, of course, just wants to see Lukas. I can’t blame her. Have you see how cute that child is?

I know this happened a long time ago, but when I’m having quiet time, I sit and stew on it because it irritates me so much. Faith Hill is fucking annoying. I don’t know what the hell happened to her. She used to be quiet and stuck to singing, then she got all uppity and got it in her head that she’s this terrific person and needs to brag about it all the time. I don’t give a fuck about her marriage to..whatever that shit stomper’s name is, and I don’t care that she thinks she’s like this great beauty or whatever. News Flash: Her ears are freakishly huge and stick out 4 inches from the sides of her head! That dumb bitch is probably contractually bound to never cut her hair short again! The thing that annoys me, the thing that got me fuming about this is that a while back she was performing on stage with her shit-stomper husband and a female fan reached up and grabbed his crotch. Inappropriate, I know. Instead of doing the totally cool thing of diving into the audience to scratch this offender’s eyes out or even the slighlty less cool thing of using her power and having security kicking the woman out, she put her big mouth on a microphone and lectured the woman. "You don’t do that to another woman’s husband, blah blah blah". If I were the woman, I would have been making lewd gestures with my hands and probably throwing my shoes at her. I just find her annoying. Another thing, I know a bunch of dilluted people think her husband is sexy, but I can’t get past the fact that he never takes his cowboy hat off. Is he hiding something? Do his ears stick out hardcore like his wife’s? Does he have a freakish birthmark or a really bumpy head that feels like a topographic map? Is there an alien tracking device under there? Nevermind how the thing must smell with him never taking it off…..it’s just puzzling. Dwight Yoakam did the same thing, but then acted in a movie or two to show that he was actually bald. At least he took it off though, sheesh.