I said I would post a cheery blog?  What the fuck was I thinking?  Surely you guys caught that bullshit as soon as it hit the screen.  But seriously, I posted the last post, we’ll refer to that as BITCHY HOLIDAY POST on Sunday and then spent Monday morning puking my guts out.  I ate something funky….but it’s passed and I feel much better. 

I’m just really not feeling very festive this year.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I’m excited for Lukas to open all of his Christmas presents and I’m excited to see him playing with all of his gifts, but I’m just really not feeling it.  Life just seems to blur all together these days and I just feel that there’s really nothing to look forward to in the short term.  Life is dull and unproductive.  I have no cheer to report to you guys.  My decorations are up….that didn’t work.  My garage is full of colorfully wrapped gifts….that didn’t do it.  I’m being forced to go to a Christmas party and have people stare at me so I bought a pretty and festive outfit, but I’m still not there.  So i was wondering last night when the three ghosts are going to visit me and scare the crap out of me if I don’t stop being a scrooge.  If they don’t come then it’s because I’m making an attempt to actually spread the cheer around here whether I feel it or not.  I’m not trying to hinder someone’s happiness.  But still, where are my three ghosts to snap me out of this.  Where are the dead people who are supposed to tell me that the holiday season is supposed to be a warm fuzzy feeling inside of all of us and is bigger than the individual?  Blah.  I’m just so……blah. 

On a lighter and almost happy note, it’s actually been snowing here.  The ground is covered and it is white and very pretty outside.  Out here, we are lucky to get two good snows a season, so I’m happy.  The one kind of down side is that the state road out here doesn’t budget for making the roads drivable.  They don’t put down much salt and no cinders and when there is even a couple of inches on the ground, businesses close because people are unable to get to work.  It’s not necessarily that people out here can’t drive (even though they totally CAN’T) it’s that the roads actually really do get slippery because there are no attmepts to make them otherwise.  I’m just glad we got all of our shopping done and we are able to hole in for a couple of weeks if we need to, but I’m sure that won’t be the case. 

I remember the first winter we spent here the power went out for 4 or 5 days and since our apartment was all electric, we had no hot water, no way to cook dinner and no heat except for the wood-burning fireplace.  We lived in kind of a ghetto and we were one of the last places to get power back…that goes to show you that people with money have more of a voice over families of meager means.  All the food in our refrigerator and freezer was ruined and we had NO food by the time we got power back.  Luckily, we had a nice supply of Ramen Noodles and a propane camping stove so we could prepare that and some hot tea to keep from freezing our asses off.  Now, whenever we lose power, I freak out a little bit because I don’t know how I would be able to handle having no heat for 4 or 5 days with Lukas.  We have no family or friends out here to go to for a place to stay.  Being far away from everything we ever knew is so liberating at times.  I am so proud of the fact that what goes on out here is 100% US.  Nobody is helping us, but sometimes it can be overwhelming when I realize that we really don’t have a support system. 

I’m going to be baking this weekend…..maybe that will get my ass in some sort of cherry mood?  I don’t even know anymore.  BUT, be looking out for those Christmas pictures of my baby boy opening his presents.  I can’t believe this is his SECOND Christmas. 

Be Sociable, Share!

•