I did this last year, so I thought I would do it again in a desperate attempt to make myself feel a little more festive.  So love it, learn it, live it….or choke on it.  I’m beyond caring, dudes.

A Few of My Favorite Things:

My bed.

All the snuggly, warm blankets on my bed.

Lukas….an all encompassing favorite thing.  My Lukas.  My sweet baby boy.

My two Christmas trees.  They may not be ultra stylish, but there are stories behind a lot of those cruddy ornaments and they mean a lot to me and when I decorate my trees, as I’m putting every ornament on, I think of those little stories attached to each ornament and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.  I don’t even have to puke afterwards.

The way Lukas’ eyes light up when his daddy comes home.

They way my mom holds my son.

The way my brother gives my husband an outlet to talk about video games.

They way Jessie always tries to make things better, even if it never ever ever works.

Yummy comfort food.

A big fluffy towel after a hot shower.

Memories and pictures of my grandmother.

The fact that my family always says "I love you" before we get off the phone.  Even my brother.  It’s sweet.

The fact that even though my ass is huge and puffy, my pants size is still generally in the single digits…unless I’m shopping from some place made for anorexic teenagers like Old Navy.  Then I’m a depressing 10.  Not in a good way, but in a "Mother fucker I have to lay off the hamburgers," way.  Maybe this one isn’t a favorite……

The fact that my husband loves me……like REALLY loves me and puts up with a lot of ups and downs.

The way Lukas giggles when we chase or tickle him.

The fact that Jessie has taught Lukas to smell his own feet and make the "PEEEEW!" sound. 

My pretty, fuzzy kitty.

The fact that I am so blessed in life with a healthy and beautiful son, a great husband, and family members who love me despite the fact that they think I’m bad meat.

You guys do it too.  Think of why your life is great.  If your list is hard to make out, maybe your life sucks and you can come out here and drive me to the shrink for some happy pills and I’ll sell them to you at $20 a pop.  Don’t worry about me, it’s almost 1 a.m. and I’ve had a bad evening.  I’ll write a cheery festive post once I’ve had some effing sleep. 

Remember how last year at about this time I was complaining that I had to go to Jessie’s company’s Christmas party?  I’m going to do it again.  It’s next Thursday and there will be more people this year since they have grown.  That’s right.  More people who are going to be looking at me.  Making fun of the fugly.  I’m the official company fugly.  I DO NOT want to go, but since I ducked out of two other company functions this year, my husband has pulled his trump card and I HAVE to go.  FUCK!  I don’t want to go.  I don’t want people looking at my double chin or my thick glasses or my jacked up teeth.  I want to stay home and remain invisible.  Nobody is judging my looks here…not to my face at least.  There are ugly-assed pictures of me on MySpace and Flickr.  How nice must it be to feel comfortable with your looks and not have an anxiety attack whenever you have to go out and have people LOOK AT YOU.  And for added anxiety it’s a pot luck so now I get to have an anxiety attack about people eating my cooking and thinking it tastes like ass.  Fucking Jessie.  I don’t want to go!

Let’s say that theoretically I have a friend who just found out that they are expecting.  As a parent of only one year, I have to ask myself if there is anything interesting I have to offer to my friend……any bits of wisdom.  The truth is…not really.  The first thing you learn is that it’s different for everybody.  Parenting is one of those experiences that everybody internalizes in different ways.  I will, however give some very rude, unwanted, unsolicited advice to my friend.  Maybe it will be helpful and maybe it will be another instance of me being full of hot air. 

1.  Enjoy the first year.  It will be SO easy to get overwhelmed but they are tiny and helpless and BABIES for only a short time.  It goes by so fast and you WILL find yourself missing it when it’s gone.  Try to remove yourself from the stress of it if you have to so you can get through it and remember how blessed you are.  When Lukas was a baby and was having a bad day, I would put him in his crib and walk away until I was calm enough to address the problem.  It helped.

2.  You need a big diaper bag.  At the stores you will see adorable diaper bags that are sweet, precious, and SMALL.  Trust me, I am still carrying Lukas’ enormous diaper bag and I NEED it to be enormous.  I carry snacks, toys, blankets, change of clothes, sippies, a small first aid kit, diapers, wet wipes, small thing of baby powder, small thing of baby lotion, changing pad, and a small baggy for dirty diapers (because some places don’t have places for dirty diapers and let’s face it, it’s rude to put a big poopy diaper is a public restroom’s garbage can), and when he was bottle feeding I carried bottles, a big bottle of water to mix the formula, and a container that premeasured the formula and you just dumped it in the bottle.  I also used to have to carry at least two bibs.  You’ve got to remember, I go to the grocery store and sometimes a family friendly restaurant.  I have no friends out here, so I don’t go visiting and I still needed all that crap.  My diaper bag is a Graco and it has two side pockets to hold bottles and it came with two cooling pack because you have to keep the formula cool or it goes sour, just like milk.  Side note:  Graco stuff is SUPER dependable.  I have almost ALL Graco stuff.  They sell it at Walmart, and Target as well as other places.  I highly recommend it.

3.  There’s always going to be someone out there thinking you’re doing something wrong.  You know your baby better than anybody, so do what you feel is best and everybody else can just suck it.

4.  Make sure you are really prepared for all the pictures you are going to be taking.  It’s going to get ridiculous.

5.  I don’t know from experience, but was told that if you intend to breast feed and you decide to get a breast pump, the dual electric pump is best because you are less likely to get  a milk duct clogged which can hurt like a fucker.  I used a single manual pump and it worked fine for me, but I only pumped an ounce or two a day for two weeks.  I never really gave my milk a chance to really come down and gorge me. 

6.  Utilize the internet.  You can research anything from problems to questions to products.  I always research car seats and stuff like that because if Lukas were to get hurt in some toy or contraption and the internet said everywhere that it was dangerous I would feel completely unfit.  I researched formula and diapers when I was pregnant and I’m totally glad I did. 

7.  Your mom and grandma are going to be wrong about a lot of things.  It’s been a while since they were pregnant and expecting and prenatal care and pediatrics have changed a lot in the past 20 years.  Get a doctor you trust and pick their brains.  And this book.

8.  Be prepared for you marriage to change.  It might not happen to you, I can only relay what happened to me.  Jessie and I were together for almost 7 years by the time we had Lukas and things had to readjust.  Jessie was used to being the center of my universe and wasn’t always all that happy about being second to my baby and I wasn’t willing to put up with some of his crap that I had previous overlooked.  I haven’t told anybody this, but about six months after Lukas was born, Jessie and I talked about getting a divorce.  We worked through it, but my marriage getting into big trouble was completely unexpected for me. 

9.  You’re going to be overrun by toys and you will find yourself surprised that you love it.

10.  Finally, I would want any of my friends who might be expecting to know that I am available to them in any way possible and if I can help in some way, I would be more than happy.  I would be expecting the baby registry as well since most places do it online.  If I don’t get one, I’m going to guess and spend a lot of money….then make you feel bad about it. 

I would be so happy for my theoretical friend and would certainly not use my blog space to announce it before that theoretical friend were comfortable with the idea.  But I would want to congratulate my theoretical friend and wish them the best and hope and pray that their experience is healthy and happy.