Here are some of the best text messages I have received this week.  They are great.

From Unknown:  The remains of 125 people will be launched into space where they will orbit the Earth for centuries.

From Aschlie:  Who is this??  It doesn’t really matter who because an extra vibrator is always welcome.

From Helen:  Whats it called when a girl gives a guy a bj while he’s dropping a duce

Something I love about me?  I’m easily amused but my friends are complete crack-ups.

I’m going to be downloading a lot of old family pictures to Flickr.  Some of it is for me, they are safe on the internet, and some of it is for Brandon so printing them out will be easier when it is time for him to get an album of his own.  Lukas, someday, might even want an album.  I have some pictures that are so old, these people were long gone before I was even born.  I also have a lot of pictures of my grandma…which makes me happy. 

It was a good week until Thursday.  Thursday was a kick in the nuts…by someone wearing really pointy shoes.  I’m trying to remain calm…doing stuff to distract myself and find some sort of center.  I think I’m holding together.  Have a great weekend everybody!

Jessie:  “You know, I wish you liked to look at my balls as much as I like to look at your boobs.  Then I could tease you like you tease me.  Oh look, my balls are out, but don’t look at them, you have to look at me eyes!.”

Me:  “I don’t see that happening, Jessie.  Balls are not a very attractive thing to look at.”

Jessie:  “Do you think there are any women out there who get all horny at the site of balls and just go into a frenzy whenever they are pulled out?”

Me:  “No.  No woman enjoys looking at balls unless it is to make fun of them.”

Jessie:  “Do you think that if they genetically engineered a dog to grow human boobs, like a bald dog with this big pair of boobs growing on its back that guys would be petting it all the time and playing with the boobs?”

Me:  “Absolutely.  Men would always be bothering that poor dog, but you would never want to leave it alone with teenage boys.”

Jessie:  “Yeah, they’d pet it a LOT.”

Me:  “Actually, I was going to say that they’d be titty-fucking the dog’s back all the time.”

Jessie:  *Laughing hysterically*

Me:  “How did this conversation end up here?”

First of all, let me address Hellie really quick.  Just so we understand, when I tell you that I have been in your poistion for three years, I am not trying to trump you, I am letting you know that I understand where you are coming from and that I hope you would consider me at your service if you ever need to vent or talk, and I would know how to relate to you.  I’m saying this because the whole “You’re talking to someone who’s been in that same position for three years,” might have sounded wrong when I didn’t mean to sound like a douchebag.  Just in case. 

For this one, Aschlie will get it first and I’m mostly posting it for her encouraging and anger-filled responses because I know they will make me feel better.  Remembr that dog that peed on me every time I tried to pet it and it annoyed me?  You’d think that after so many times of that happening, I would just abandon the dog, right?  There must be something wrong with me then.  Is there a masochistic need to keep petting this dog, to keep trying to comfort it when really it is a complete dick?  I feel sorry for the dog, though.  This dog loses people left and right because it’s kind of an asshole.  I keep thinking it would be beneficial for the dog to know that no matter what, I’m there.  Apparently, this frigging dog could care less.  I’m actually confused by the current drama.  I have no idea what I did to get pissed on this time.  I usually don’t do anything to get pissed on, this dog is just that way.  My complaint is, this:  when this dog has a real serious problem and realizes that nobody else wants to be around it, it KNOWS it can come to me, but when the problem is resolved, or when I can’t give 100% of myself because of this whole marriage and family thing, the dog suddenly resents me very deeply when I did nothing to deserve it.  I try being civil and pretend not to notice the dog acting like a psychotic three year-old.  I wish it happy holiday when appropriate and send holiday cards with absolutely no response.  I send it friend requests on social networking sites and never receive a reply…as if I’ve done something wrong and need to feel bad.  Then I actually DO start feeling bad and wondering what the hell I could have possibly done.  What did I do wrong?  I actually got to thinking about Aschlie, then and I remembered and admired how Aschlie never even once considered putting up with the crap that I do.  I remember in high school, we had a Best Friends Forever pendant that was broken up into three pieces and I wore the middle piece because I knew there wasn’t enough love between the two of them for their pendant pieces to have been really connected.  They weren’t enemies, but Aschlie simply had a “I will not put up with your bullshit and then you’ll only have one friend,” mentality.  I still admire that to this day.  It really is my sympathy for the dog that keeps me in the mindset to not give up on the dog.  The dog needs sympathy, but I’m just so tired of always wondering why I get no gratitude or recognition for always being there.  I give up. 

When we lived in Clarksburg, I was at the Food Lion near Rosebud shopping when I spied a large container of cheese puffs.  It wasn’t a can.  It wasn’t a tub.  This was an honest-to-God DRUM of cheese puffs.  Of course I bought it after I realized I was sporting a gigantic cheese puff boner.  I kept it by my bed and snacked on wonderful cheese puffs while watching Adult Swim.  Man, I loved those cheeseballs.  In the world of cheese-dusted corn snacks, cheese balls are my favorite.  You know what sucks?  They do not sell cheese balls in this state.  I have looked everywhere.  They sell cheese puffs and cheese curls, but no cheese balls.  Oh what I wouldn’t give for another one of those cheese ball drums.  How cruel fate can be. 

update:  this was brought to my attention!

Lukas is such a busy little walker that the tread on the feet of his footie pajamas is completely gone and now everytime he runs into the kitchen in jammies, he falls flat on his face.  Lucky for us he doesn’t make a big fuss of it and just scoots around until he’s safe on carpet again.  Then he’s a hell-raising walking child again.  It’s so cute.

I got a new phone.  AT&T is having a huge sale on their phones and by renewing my contract with them for another two years, I got one of those spiffy LG Shine’s for free.  It’s a sweet assed phone.  It’s red, and very pretty.  I’m also looking into getting a data plan for Jessie and myself because we have both kind of started texting a bit more.  I know that now, because of this spiffy new phone, I will eventually feel bad unless I get a Twitter account.  Damn.

I am still madly in love with my couch.  On our last couch, I would have to scrunch up on one side of the couch because Jessie would take the whole effing thing up.  If I complained I would get the “Well we can cuddle,” bull crap.  Let it be known that I am not a cuddle-person.  If I am sitting and relaxing, I want to do so in my own personal space.  Now, this wonderful couch allows me all the personal space I want.  Now Jessie complains that I’m too far away.  Ugh.