The Time of Evil Had Come ‘Round Once More
When it comes to our relationship, Jessie is a huge procrastinator. He waits until the last minute to do EVERYTHING, and that includes the once a month 2 minute disappointment he calls our sex life. Yesterday I was informing him that if he intended to do anything to me, he needed to get moving because I start my period today. It’s always funny when I tell him that the time of menstruation is close. His face goes white and his testicles ascend into his body. It’s like someone has just told him that his penis will fall off in exactly 24 hours and he needs to use it fast before it’s gone.
After I informed him that the time was nigh, he started swaggering and saying how he was going to “give it to me” when he got home and blah blah blah. When I tried to correct him and inform him that he would rather go to sleep than do the stuff he fantasizes he can do, he got even more obnoxious about it. Below is the exact conversation we had through instant messenger yesterday. I’ll probably be dead by morning for posting this…but enjoy anyway.
ME: i start my period tomorrow so if you have some “expressing” to do with me, you’d better get it in tonight
Jessie: done deal, gonna work off those cheesy sandwiches
Jessie: with my post workout chubby
ME: LOL…did you have one last night? I kinda figured you were too worn out
Jessie: i don’t remember, i was trying not to pass out to notice
ME: pussy
Jessie: totally
Jessie: which is why i’m working out, to de-pussify myself
ME: lol
Jessie: that a word?
Jessie: also to turn my dickie-don’t into a dickie-do
ME: well it IS a dickie-do….you’re belly stick out more than your dickie-do
ME: that’s the joke
ME: but i’d certainly like to see some more enthusiasm from you where sex is concerend
Jessie: yeah but my dickie-don’t work
ME: i KNOW that
Jessie: hey i can have enthusiasm! i can throw on a thor costume and work you over till dawn
ME: no you can’t!
ME: you’d rather go to sleep!
Jessie: lol well i bet you got a nice laugh out of that though
ME: oh yes
ME: thanks
Jessie: i can burst through the bedroom door with a pitcher of beer stating that i’m such a man, after you pose the question is there any man on earth that can satisfy my lustful needs
Jessie: oh crap
Jessie: you’re blogging about this right now arent you
Jessie: uhh this is [one of Jessie's coworkers]
Jessie: ha ha funny joke huh?
Jessie: 
Jessie: hullo?
In case you’re wondering, I guess our oh so exciting once-a-month-romp will have to happen post menses.
Aschlie said,
January 7, 2009 @ 6:38 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love that you blog about everything. Some of the more personal things that happen to me have to be left unsaid because there are a couple of people who read my blogs that I really did not intend on reading them, and they don’t read it to be entertained, they read it because they’re nutty, so I just leave those subjects alone on my blog (which SUCKS because blogging is my way of releasing my stress!).
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merrywifeofcanon said,
January 7, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
Like me? Are you planning on bitching about me on your blog YOU WHORE?!?!?! If not, then..well…I still think you’re a whore. But I love whores….ask anybody.
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Aschlie said,
January 8, 2009 @ 6:58 am
LOL..I wish I were a whore…no…I can’t mention anything about me and Shelley. Too many spies
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merrywifeofcanon said,
January 8, 2009 @ 10:58 am
Wow, that sucks. I have to tone down my bitches about Jessie because our problems are our business, but if I couldn’t bitch about him just a little bit I’d explode!
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