Lukas is a little sick.  It’s nothing serious or scary (now), he’s just got a little cold.  Usually, Lukas is a mini lunatic wreaking havoc and denying almost all of my attempts at affection, but today….wow. 

Nobody likes having a sick kid.  My heart breaks for my poor little boy when he coughs or when I see that he’s getting a fever or feeling down.  I want him better and I want him acting like a normal psychotic toddler again.  BUT, oh my goodness you guys, this kid is a snuggle bug.  He blows me sleepy kisses, he lays his head on my shoulder, he lets me hug and kiss him, and he cuddles with me.  It’s like I got an affectionate and loving child in place of the fiercely independent monster that usually storms through my day.

Today he was having quiet time on the couch with me.  He was sitting on my lap and his head was resting on my shoulder.  His tiny hands were twiddling with my fingers and my would occasionally look at me and smile.  My son is acting like he loves me.  He’s acting like all that I do that usually goes unnoticed is actually appreciated.  Oh, joy.  Those nine months of hell and 16 hours of labor are actually paying off…..in a storybook manner at least. 

I remember always being one of those people who was grossed out by little kids.  They were loud, annoying, and just weird.  My mom always told me, “Just you wait.  When it’s your own child, it’s completely different.”  As usual, I thought she was full of shit.  BUT, my mom was right (she’s going to print this out and frame it.)  I still am not all about hanging out with other people’s kids.  They make me uncomfortable and I’ve never really hung out with the children of those close to me.  But Lukas.  Oh, my Lukas.  That child is my sunshine.

When he’s sick and affectionate, it’s out of the ordinary and wonderful, but it’s also wonderful to watch him spinning around in circles in the middle of the floor making motor sounds or staring out the window and screaming at the rednecks across the street.  It’s wonderful when he runs at me full force and tackles my legs and holds on to my knees making growling sounds.  It’s wonderful when he wants me to pick him up so he can get a better view of the world on the other side of the window.  It’s even wonderful when he pushes me away when I try to kiss him or when he squirms and squeals when I hug him.  I love him no matter how he is.  I’m his mother and I love when he is kind enough to show some affection, but I love him just as much (if not more) when he is that nutty kid who finds it hilarious to belch in public and act like he doesn’t know me.  These little days when he is affectionate and quiet are little things that I can hold on to and use it to torture him later.  Such as:

“Oh you think you’re so damned smart!  Well when you were little you would let me hug and kiss you when you were sick!  You even blew me kisses!  How’s that for tough, you little smart ass?”

Oh, I’m anticipating the teen years.  But he’s my boy.  He will always be MY boy.  Good or bad, he’s mine and I think he’s wonderful.  Affectionate or pushing me away, he makes me smile.  I have never questioned my decision to have him since his birth.  I have never regretted him.  When he lets me kiss his head as he goes down for a nap or when he lets me hug him when he eats all his breakfast, that’s all I need.  Today, I guess I’m just overwhelmed.  This kid DOES know that I love him.  He realizes on some level how much he means to me.  That’s just great.

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