Today I was sharpening my scary-big-serial-killer knife and it slipped and cut the bejeezus out of my knuckle.  I cleaned it and tried to stop the bleeding, but I needed a Band-Aid.  The closest thing to the kitchen was a box of Spongebob Band-Aids.  Let me tell you, I felt really effing cool with a bright green Band-Aid on my hand with an obnoxious sea sponge on it.  I’m such a dork.

Can I tell you that I am having a crazy good time with Smell My Plate?  I love having to break my cooking down into steps and taking pictures of everything.  I’m also getting some really good traffic!  When the time is right, I’ll introduce those readers to the SMP merchandise!  I don’t know if I should feel like an enterprising whore or an entrepreneur.  Hmm…..whore, right?  It doesn’t matter.  I do this blogging thing because I love it.  I love this site and I love SMP.  It makes me feel useful. 

Happy Earth Day!  If I had a yard, I’d plant a tree.  I don’t want to preach, but tell me you did something eco-conscious today….please?  Did you turn your lights off for an hour?  Did you recycle or reuse something?  Did you walk up to someone driving a Hummer and kick them in the shins?  If so, fight on Eco-Warrior!  Fight on!  (I’m kidding about picking on the Hummer driver.  Or am I?)

When I used to see those signs that say in huge letters “NO SOLICITORS” on someone’s gate or on their door I always thought that these people were kinda grouchy old farts.  That was until Jessie and I decided to get one.  I know…I have a completely uninviting looking front door area now.  Over the past 6 months (perhaps due to the poopy economy) we have had a lot of solicitors ringing our doorbell at odd hours, interrupting dinner, scaring the shit out of the cat.  At first it seemed harmless.  A rehabilitated ex-con and drug addict selling magazines to go to culinary school?  Sure, sign me upp for a year’s subscription of Wired.  And then we got another person giving the same schpeel.  “We already bought a subscription from someone else last week,” we tried to explain.  But this person was persistent until I finally had to have Jessie give them a firm “No.”

We received a few other stupid things like people selling real estate and that crap, but this past Sunday someone rang our doorbell and was offering low prices (!!!) on carpet shampooing.  Now, I don’t want to brag but I shampoo my carpets every two months.  This isn’t so much from my being a neat freak as it is that I HAVE A TODDLER.  So, yeah…we didn’t need any carpet shampooing.

“But you have high traffic areas!”  The person argued.  “Why don’t you let me in and I can look around and tell you where you need help!”

“Oh boy!  That sounds like fun!  And as soon as the door is closed, you will stab me in the face with your shank and rob my house, rape my husband, and sell my child on the black market for a 10 year-old cell phone!  Come on in!”

Ok, they were sent away politely and I don’t mean to sound like an ass or an elitist, but when someone is trying to con their way into my house (selling carpet shampooing or not) I’m going to assume that they are not someone I would want in my house.  These events justify my need for a sign, don’t they?  I’m not a grouchy old fart because of this, am I?  I don’t want to be a grouchy old fart until I am actually old.  Ahh, what a world, what a world.

On a side note, if I had any sort of brain in my noggin I would have posted an end date to the FIRST EVER MERRY WIFE OF CANON CONTEST!  Deadline for essays is midnight of Thursday, March 30, 2009.  Send in more, you guys.  I’m offering free shit, here.

I now have a CafePress account and a store.  Since most of you are oved ones and friends, I haven’t marked up any of the items, i.e. they are at base price and I don’t get any money if you buy anything.  There are things for both MerryWifeofCanon and SmellMyPlate. 

Oh you guys.  The megalomania is starting to set in.  Pretty soon it will be hard for me to fit through a standard door way.  CHECK IT OUT!

http://www.cafepress.com/SCanon