7 Days
In exactly one week (even down to the hour) Lukas and I will be at my mom’s house in PA. Jessie and his father will be on the road headed towards Eastern Washington. The move will be ON. At this point, all butterflies and anxieties have run their course and only happiness at the geniusness of this move remains. In fact, this weekend has probably been one of the best weekends we have had together as a family in quite a long time. There was a lot of giggling, a lot of hugging and kissing, and a lot of easy going smiles. It’s been a long time.
Jessie and I are both very guilty of throwing the happiness of our marriage on the backburner at the first sign of stress. We will go weeks at a time without so much as a hug or kiss (and forget sex). We bicker over the most ridiculous stuff, and then we keep bickering until we can’t stand the sight of each other. The words “You are the most annoying person ever. STOP LOOKING AT ME!” are uttered quite often…..by both of us. A lot of eye rolling and hiding away from each other.
But this weekend we’ve been hugging and kissing and cuddling and we have noticed that it bothers Lukas. We’re not being pornographic. A hug here…a quick smooch there. But it’s such an odd thing for Lukas to see that he runs over to us and physically separates us. I think maybe that makes us crappy parents for not showing him in a SUBTLE physical way that his parents love each other. We need to work on that.
I took a nap this afternoon while Lukas was napping. I had a dream about my deceased grandmother. I dream about her a lot. I miss her so much it hurts….I can’t even talk about her without crying. But in this dream, we were sitting on her kitchen floor eating and chit chatting. My grandma was a hoarder and not a good housekeeper. In fact, her house was downright dirty and smelly. But I was always so happy to be there with her. She complimented me. She had pet names for me like Pumpkin, Sweety, and Super Pest. She always told me that she was proud of me and that the people in my life who were hurtful to me were missing out on getting to know me. And she made the best fucking pancakes in the world and it kills me that I can’t replicate it. Oh I’d give anything for a stack of those pancakes and to sit on her dirty floor and have a grown up conversation with my grandma. Ok, back to my dream.
We were sitting on her floor eating and I looked at her plate of food and saw that she was eating a lot of red meat and a lot of fattening food (my grandma died of heart disease). I looked at her and said, “You should start eating better. I want you to be at my wedding some day.” She stood up, dumped her plate and came back with a plate of chicken breast and broccoli. She told me that if that had to be her reason for eating better, then she was happy to do it. Then, in my dream, I thought to myself that she died before I even met Jessie. She dies long before I get married. And in my dream I started raging about how my subconscious had ruined my dream of having my grandma at my wedding. I started stomping around and yelling “Goddamn you, reality! Let me just have this one thing! Let me have her sit in the front and cry when I marry Jessie! Goddamn you!”
I woke up when Lukas climbed in bed with me. To wake up to my baby’s smiling face after that soul-beating dream was good. After Jessie took him downstairs, I laid in bed for a few minutes and cried it out.
When I go to Clarksburg to visit family in October, I’m going to take a few hours and drive to Center Point to my grandma’s grave. Can I convince a friend or two to come with me? It’s a long drive and I don’t really want to make Lukas sit through another long drive on top of the two almost five hour drives to and from Clarksburg. I also want to sneak up and look at my great-grandparents’ house if it’s still standing. That effing place is haunting me or something. Both of my great-grandparents are dead now, but once a month I dream of that house and their ghosts haunting it and talking to me. I haven’t been to that house since I was a little girl. My great-grandmother was always mean to me, so I avoided it. It’s a small house and the trapping inside are very very old. The old telephone on the table in the living room, the old furniture in the bedrooms, the old television, the old outhouse out back (despite the perfect toilet inside), the cellar off to the side with jars of pickles and beans, even the smell. It’s very very old. I can’t say it ever creeped me out…it really didn’t. And I don’t know why I keep dreaming about it. It really bothers me. Once a month. And it’s usually my great-grandfather talking to me. He says weird things. He died when I was very young, but he was always nice to me. It’s weird, but it’s withing a stone’s throw of my grandma’s grave, so I’d like to just go look at it. If I’m lucky, it’s fallen in on itself. After my great grandma died this past fall, I’m sure everything of value was pillaged and it’s now abandoned.
7 more days. 7 more days.
Aschlie said,
August 24, 2009 @ 6:52 am
I have taken the weekend that you come in off from work. I am very fortunate that I had 4 days of vacation left this year. Danny let me take 2 days for the weekend that you, Jessie, and Lukas come in, and 2 days for the concert. He’s a fantastic boss, and I really am grateful that he was willing to just go along with my needs, LOL. So I volunteer for the trip to go visit your grandma’s grave. We can go to your grea-grandparents home too. However, ghosts scare the shit out of me, lol…so if the house is still standing, I can’t promise that I will go in, LOLOL. Like I said before, when you guys come to WV, you are more than welcome to stay with me, or I can get you a really nice room at the Hilton Inn. If you are wanting to stay at the Hilton, remind me like a week before so I can make the arrangements
Either way, I am off of work, so anything that you want to do, I’m free 
Maybe we can get Helen to come down, and we can go to her mom’s house or something. Lukas would have a GREAT time with all of that yard to play in. It is so beautiful out there. I hate the drive out there, lol…but once you get there it’s great. Or we could all hang out at my house. There’s plenty of yard there too, lol. The pool is disgusting (I wouldn’t even call it a pool now…more like a big hole in the hill), but there is a lot of running room 
I am sooo excited to see you all and meet Lukas 
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I’m not exactly sure what the exact plans are as of yet. It’s really on me to do that planning, but as I’m sure you can guess I’M A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED RIGHT NOW
I’d love it if Helen came out and the three (or four if Riley wants to tag along) of us could make that hellish drive to the belly button of WV. Seriously, my grandma is buried in the land that time forgot, it’s a long and scary drive. But if it’s just the two of us, I’d love that too. A little friend time and a visit to my grandma. I’ll get my ass on the move and plan the details of this trip maybe next week and I’ll get to everyone and let them know my plans. I promise! I just have to get through Sunday and then I’m golden.
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helen said,
August 25, 2009 @ 5:05 am
i will have 2 have my mom refresh my memory on the exact route to center point (im pretty sure i remember) but i am willing 2 go… i know it’s not far from my mom and dads… was your grandma from Doddridge Co.? (my grand parents were)..hopefully Riley doesn’t have colic then… i dont want her to scare lukas with her screams..lol
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Aschlie said,
August 25, 2009 @ 7:08 am
I know you will probably be SUPER busy trying to visit with everyone in WV, lol. So whatever your plans are, I am open. That’s why I took the weekend because I figured I could up and go whenever you have some free time, lol. I AM EXCITED…to say the least
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 25th, 2009 at 9:04 am
I hate Max and Ruby too, but trust me; the cartoons to hope that Riley doesn’t take to are Dora and Diego. Ahh! The repetition! Ah! The retardation! I LOATHE those damned shows, and yes, Lukas likes them. It sucks. And Jessie always has the fucking TV on Spongebob which isn’t horrible except that I’ve seen every episode of Spongebob a thousand times. I just have days where I ban Nickelodeon. We’ll watch Sesame Street or scary movies instead
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Aschlie said,
August 25, 2009 @ 10:40 am
I can not believe you let Lukas watch scary movies, lol…actually…yes I can. That’s actually much better than never letting him watch one until he is 10 and then he has nightmares. He’ll be immune to then by then, LOL. I leave my TV on for Annie…on Nickelodeon. She likes cartoons
Her and Shelley used to watch them together, so I figure she at least recognizes comfort in the sound of cartoons, lol. I MUST sleep to Nick at Nite because I woke up one night to Polterguist (sp????) and it scared the living shit out of me and I had to go to Go Mart where Helen was working night shift, lol. So since then, it must be Nick at Nite.
BTW…has anyone watched the new show on Nick at Nite: Glenn Martin DDS? OMG…that show is freaking funny because it is sooo stupid. If you haven’t watched it, try to catch it, lol.
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 25th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I’ve seen previews for Glenn Martin, but it’s on at the same time as adult swim on cartoon network. I actually think that Glenn Martin is an attempt to get more viewers away from adult swim…because their shows are HILARIOUS…because they’re stupid.
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