Archive for January, 2010

This is What I Have to Put Up With

Note:  This is one of those posts that are dripping with TMI (Too Much Information).  Think twice before reading on.

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Ok, are all of the parents gone?  Ok.  On this wonderful blog post, I’m going to showcase some of Jessie’s best come-on lines.  I love him so much for giving me content for my blogs :)

Me:  “Jessie, I’m on my period.  I’m not having sex with you right now.”

Jessie:  “Why not?  There’s nothing wrong with a little ketchup on the French fry!”

Jessie:  “After we put Lukas to bed tonight, I’m gonna get at ya.”  Yes, “Get at ya” is his way of saying he will have sex with me.

Jessie:  “Lube?  We don’t need lube!  That’s what spit is for!”

Jessie:  “You only like doing me after teasing me to the point of ball aches.”

Jessie:  “Stop talking like that while I’m at work!”

Jessie:  “There’s nothing quite as awkward as sitting at your desk with a dude sitting next to you and you’ve got a big boner.”

Jessie:  “I don’t have to have sex with your hoo ha!  You’ve got nice smooth armpits!”

Jessie:  “You have sexy toes.  Let me suck on one.”

Jessie:  “I’m going to motorboat your boobies tonight.”

Jessie:  “No, you’re not putting anything in my butt.  I can do that myself.”

Jessie:  “That was awesome!  You took that like a champ!”

I’ll leave you with those thoughts to keep you warm tonight.

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Making a House a Home Sometimes Sucks

We’ve been living in this house for nearly 2 months.  I love this house.  I love the neighborhood.  I love Reading (maybe not the property and school taxes, but I like the city itself).

We knew when we bought this house that we were going to need to do quite a bit of work.  The kitchen needs an overhaul because it is entirely too small (I’ll document that remodel on SmellMyPlate), all of the hardwood floors need to be refinished because you can sit and pick the finish off in large chips with your bare fingers (that’s NOT good with a toddler around), The half bath downstairs needs to be insulated and refinished, the bathroom on the bedroom floor needs to be freshened up, and the master suite needs redone.  Along with all of this comes a LOT OF FUCKING PAINTING.

I don’t mind painting, but what I DO mind is cleaning up the painting messes of previous owners.  I have actually been dumbfounded by the messes that were just left behind.  I have spent many afternoons peeling off tiny pieces of painters tape that were just left on the walls or floors.  THEY JUST LEFT IT THERE.  I’ve also spent many afternoons with a razorblade scraping paint off of doors and windows and I can tell that a large part of my Spring this year will be spent scraping paint off of the outside of the windows because, heaven forbid, these people make some sort of attempt to NOT paint the glass!

There are other things, like not removing hardware from windows and doors before painting.  They just painted around or even OVER doorknobs, blind attachments, deadbolt locks, door stops, and hinges.  When we go to remove this hardware now, since it has been painted over, they are hard as hell to remove since the paint has settled into the screws.

Last week, I discovered probably the most annoying muck up yet.  While we are currently working on the bedroom, we are sleeping in what will soon be the office.  The office was once the master bedroom.  You can tell because it’s a rather large room.  It has a very sloppy paint job and it had an ugly wallpaper border going around the middle of the walls.  First of all, let it be known that I DESPISE wallpaper in all of it’s forms.  Well last week I was getting dressed and I was sitting by the large window in the room and I noticed that I looked like something was peeling right under the molding under the window.  I started picking at it, and to my horror, I realized that this was wallpaper.  The previous owners had PAINTED over WALLPAPER!  Wallpaper is hard enough to remove without the added bitch of painting over it!  Now I can’t use any of those nifty tools that are made to make wallpaper removal easy because it has at least 2 layers of paint over it.  I spent my evening last night getting the wallpaper and paint off of a piece of wall that was maybe 4-feet long.  It took forever.  *grumble grumble*

The bedroom is coming along great.  We’re making great progress and I’ll provide pictures and details of what we’ve done once we’re moved in up there.  After the bedroom, we’ll be simultaneously working on the office and Lukas’ toy room.  Lukas’ toy room needs to be painted, some walls need to be patched, the carpet needs to be removed, and the floors will need to be refinished.  The office, well that will need it’s own post.  Lots of work there.

The kitchen will be a big project.  I can’t wait to get started on it and I can’t wait to start documenting it.  We’ve done a lot of research and we’ve found a lot of ways to get the best use of the space without spending a whole lot of money.  It won’t be a really big kitchen by any means, but it will be functional and very pretty.  Functional means a lot, but I’ve always wanted a pretty kitchen!

I know this whole blog post has been about complaining, but the truth is, I’m thrilled to have a project that will keep me very busy and occupied for many years to come.  In the Spring, OH MY GOD you should see how they left this yard.  They actually left garbage in the yard!  So that will be a lot of work to get it cleaned up and looking tidy…..YAY!  It’s obviously been a few years since the outside of the windows have been washed, so that will take a while to do…..YAY!  The front porch needs a swing and some rails…YAY!  The back patio needs to be redone and the whole house needs to be pressure-washed……YAY!  The carport needs to be almost completely rebuilt….YAY!  All of the trees and bushes on the property need to be pruned and trimmed….YAY!  New mulch needs to be laid down…YAY!  There are many many many more things that need to be done.  Many.  Oh how I missed this.  I’m having a great time!  Even if I bitch about it every now and then…I mean COME ON!  They just left the pieces of painters tape where it was!  They didn’t peel it up at all!  What the fuck.  Seriously.

The polish is in the details.  I’m the not neatest painter, but sheesh!  I’ll peel up the tape!  *grumble grumble*

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PEGAWAY!

Lukas’ speech is getting so much better.  To be honest, we were starting to become concerned.  He was waaaay behind in his speech and the internet was no help (AUTISM!  IT’S AUTISM!  YOU DID IT BY VACCINATING HIM!  AUTISM!  AUTISM!).  But he suddenly decided one day that this whole talking thing was something that he might like to try.  Once he decided that he was cool with it, he started picking up words left and right.  I’m so proud of his progress.

He can count to 2.  (Not impressed?  Bugger off!)  He knows that he is 2 years old.  He recognizes and can say all the letters of the alphabet even though he’s not quite so good with the song yet.  He says please (peeee!) and thank you (ank you!).  He says hi and bye bye.  He knows the difference between a man and a lady (we took the cat to the vet and when we left Lukas looked at her and said “Bye bye lady!”)  He can ask for more sippy (mo see peee!)

In general, I’m on top of it all.  I know what he’s saying better than anybody.  But he keeps saying this one word and I can’t for the life of me figure out what the hell he is saying.  It’s possible that it’s jibberish, but it’s so clear and he’s so serious when he says it.

PEGAWAY.

It’s never a consistent context in which he uses this word.  It’s completely random.  It’s funny, but it’s also a little frustrating.  So I’ll ask you:

What the fuck does pegaway mean?!?!

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