I Was Too Happy to Get Out to Go Back
This weekend, I received a message on Facebook that informed me that my 10 year high school reunion is in 1 year. The message was asking for ideas on what should be done for the reunion since our class president has since passed away. We were only a graduating class of less than 120 people, so having the opinions of the herd was thought to be helpful.
I’m not going. I’M. NOT. GOING. It’s not that I have a certain beef with anybody because I was picked on or that I am scared that everybody is going to see how fat I’ve gotten. It’s not like that. Yeah there were cliques, but since we were such a small class, we all bumped into each other from time to time and exchanged a friendly word or two before moving on.
But people, I hated high school! I loved those years when I was in high school, but I didn’t actually like school. I didn’t like that awkward girl that I was. I didn’t like the hierarchy that the teachers helped to facilitate. I didn’t like it. When I graduated high school, I was SO HAPPY to be out of there.
Don’t get me wrong, I have some good memories of the actual school experience that had nothing to do with getting felt up in the equipment room in band class, or cutting out early to go to the mall, or all of the “extracurricular” activities in which I happily participated. I have great memories of the Latin class that I took my Senior year. I have great memories of my Honors English classes. I have great memories of my Biology class Sophomore year. But that’s behind me.
I don’t want to have to worry about losing a little bit of weight so that I can go to a cocktail party with a bunch of people I don’t know (and who don’t know me). I don’t want to have to make small talk. I don’t want to have to huddle in a corner with the select few people that I DO know and talk about how weird it is to see everybody again and how we all still pretty much look the same (Umm, it’s only been 10 years!).
I’ve already documented the horror story of being attacked for carrying a bag ONLY FOR CHEERLEADERS by a teacher. Now, let me impress upon you another story that I occasionally look back on with great ire.
My Senior year, my homeroom teacher pulled me out into the hallway to have a talk with me.
“I want you to know why you weren’t chosen to be in the National Honor Society,” he told me. “You meet all of the requirements, but the sentiment among some of the teachers is that you are too quiet. People in the National Honor Society need to be outgoing and have moxie. These teachers think you are too meek.”
“But I talk in your class all the time. I talk in a lot of my classes. I raise my hand, I answer questions. My teachers all know me. I don’t understand.” I said.
He stared at his shoes. “Maybe you’re not talking enough in the right classes. Maybe you haven’t made a big enough impression on the right people.”
“Are you telling me that I didn’t get in because I’m not a suck up?” I asked.
He continued to stare at his shoes. “That’s not the term that I would use. But essentially, yes.”
My teacher, who was a good guy despite making me sit in the back of class for falling asleep (I had finished my test early [and aced it!] and he didn’t allow us to read or do anything else to entertain ourselves, so after sitting there for 20 minutes staring at my desk, I dozed) didn’t give any names, but I know that the teacher on whom I didn’t make the best impression was the one teacher in that high school who most valued having her ass kissed. One of my other friends didn’t suck up to her either, but she regularly had strong bonds with other teachers (she also totally deserved her admission into the society). Why the fuck was I picked on? I wasn’t a super student (long story, not just laziness) but I think that I deserved in there. So again, I was struck in the face with the cheap hierarchy that this small school took complete advantage of and once again I got the short end of the stick.
I’m a grown up. I’m much more secure in my self identity. I’m much more capable of telling snobby people to go sit and spin. However, I still look back on some of those occasions, occasions where I was PICKED ON BY ADULTS and it makes me sick. I realize that these people won’t be at the reunion and that if I’m not at the reunion nothing interesting could possibly happen, but I just don’t want to relive some of those moments. I want to keep those hurts in my past. High school is behind me. And besides, the people from my school who meant anything to me are still a big part of my life. If they want to get together, let’s rent a dance hall, see if we can find the Dugger (DUGGER DANCES) and spike the punch! Then we can go sit outside, smoke lights, and listen to terrible music. If I want to revisit those years, those are the memories that I would like to touch again.
(And now the screaming rants from Aschlie will start…..) (She BETTER not boycott me over THIS) (Or I WILL post pictures of her in a string bikini)
sassymonkey said,
February 2, 2010 @ 4:31 am
I did not go to my high school reunion. I’m still pretty happy about that.
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Somer Canon Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:32 am
That’s all the encouragement I need
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Aschlie said,
February 2, 2010 @ 12:16 pm
Well, I’m not going to make you rethink going or not. I talked to Amber and she said there would be a day activity (perhaps @ the VA) for family and kids, and then a night activity for adults only. I have decided to attend both events. I can understand some things you are pissed about. I was in the honor society, though I not sure how because I too was quiet. However, look @ all the honor society title gave me: working @ a bar, pouring beer. Big fucking deal, lol. I’m a fuck up, but I am getting better @ life, lol.
I’m not going to see people I disliked. I am going because I have many many more fond memories than bad memories. But the thing is is that all of my good memories have you right beside me. I can’t ever remember doing anything that you weren’t right there with me.
I was way too awkward in school. I’m not that person now. Life has been very good for me after high school. But more importantly, I have learned to really enjoy myself. I’m not the kid with different socks & shoes that’s afraid of my own shadow anymore. I’m a person who is proud of myself for many things. I was lucky in hs and didn’t care what people thought…but I think I was just oblivious to what was going on around me, lol. I had my friends, and they liked me, so who cares what everyone else thought.
I will admit that I am really nervous of how people will react to ME. I am drastically different now, lol. But most people have me on facebook, so it won’t be a SHOCK, lol. I wish you were going bc I feel more secure when you are right beside me. But if you don’t, we have to go out and drink somewhere, lol. I love you anyhow
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Somer Canon Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:18 pm
” I wish you were going bc I feel more secure when you are right beside me”
GODDAMNIT! Oh man, that frigging reply! If there was a way to make me think twice about it, that was it. You fucking whore.
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Aschlie said,
February 2, 2010 @ 12:25 pm
Hahaha!!! I was being serious, but I’ll totally use that to make you feel bad, lol!!! It is true, though. I can’t remember a time that we weren’t right beside each other. Somer, we even took dance class together. Need I say more????
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Somer Canon Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:27 pm
I’m so mad at you right now. A-hole……You will owe me a cheeseburger!
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Aschlie said,
February 2, 2010 @ 12:38 pm
I will give you anything you want
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helen said,
February 3, 2010 @ 6:49 am
First i want to say that I LOVE the Duggar idea…. i can see us now dancing to Wlid Thing with our husbands …Asch trying to steal Jessie from you (she’s a whore like that)…..lol.. oh Duggar dances…how funny..lol.. someone always crying in the bathroom… lol.
Also I think how funny it is that while in high school EVERYONE was awkward, but i didnt know that… i thought it was just me… that i was the one that was out of place….. even with friends at times…. that is something that i have never really grown out of… that awkwardness is still here…the only time that i didnt feel that way was when i was working…. i’m not sure why …. i also have a problem of remembering A LOT of things….(it kind of worries me)… i DO remember Heaven in dance class…lol… i love being a dork…lol… being in that class with some preppy upper class bitches and us sitting together with Heaven…lol.. oh and something else about dance that i remember and i’m SURE Asch remembers too….. i had to wear the teachers pants…..lol..curse my mother for not buying me black pants….
to kind of give you and idea of things i DON”T remember….
I have no memory of being in any of the THREE plays I WAS in…..I remember a VERY little bit about play practice….thats it… i know what part in the play that i had (usually a small role) but i dont remember actually being there
I have no idea if i will go to the reunion…. the family thing sounds like a good idea… since RIley is still to young to drive us home if we get WASTED…lol..
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Somer Canon Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:59 am
I remember heaven and the snobby girls in Dance. I also remember the pants and the vacuum masturbation joke surrounding the dance teacher
LISTEN HERE: If I have to drive 6 bloody hours to go to this thing because Aschlie guilted me into it, I think you can have someone watch Ry for a couple of hours so we can all go hide in a corner together at some location while we sip cocktails and talk about how this takes us back to our years of supreme and uncool dorkdom. You live right there. RIGHT THERE. *grumble grumble*
We have a year to think about this.
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Aschlie said,
February 3, 2010 @ 9:42 am
Hahaha! Dance class, lol! I say we all go to both get togethers so everyone can see your kids (because they are the kind of kids to be proud of…no ugly kids to hide, lol). Then we should go to the adults only party. If we show up & hate it, we can always leave & go somewhere else, lol! I at least want to show up.
Helen, I have a hard time remembering a lot too. I think Heaven caused our brain cells to die, LOL! *Damn purple!!!*
I’m excited about the class reunion. Perhaps I am weird like that, but it just gives me a reason to go out, hang out with my friends, drink beer (or crown, lol), and talk about how fucked up I was. What could possibly be better than that??? LOL!
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Somer Canon Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:57 am
You ARE weird for wanting to go. Never in a million years would I have guessed that you’d be using peer pressure to get us to go to a high school reunion! PEER PRESSURE!
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helen said,
February 3, 2010 @ 12:56 pm
yeah….. i’m probably going…. then we can all hang out ….
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Somer Canon Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Oh the humanity. At least we’ll have each other
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