Tomorrow I board a train and head to New York City to attend the BlogHer ’10 conference.  I “SQUEE” every time I say or write that phrase.  I am so incredibly excited for this, I can’t even explain it without sounding like a lunatic.  Let’s just say that 4 years of isolation and no friends in Washington has motivated me to get my family and myself out of the stinking house and into some social situations that would normally make us uncomfortable.

I don’t think I’ll be uncomfortable at the conference, though.  There will be enough people to hide behind if I do start acting like a socially inept hobbit, but people enough like me that I can sit and have a nice conversation just about anywhere.  I’m really looking forward to this.

Having said all of that, I feel a bit of a need to warn you other conference goers about…well….me.  I’m a person who comes with warnings and disclaimers.  Reader beware.

I sweat.  A lot.  I can claim that this is a symptom of being huge and pregnant right now, but the truth of the matter is that I have always been a heavily sweating person.  I’ve always hated the women who “glisten” and just sort of glitter when they get hot all the while I am sitting in a puddle of sweat panting heavily.  It’s not pretty.

I grunt and moan a lot when I sit down and get back up.  This one I will blame on the pregnancy thing.  Just don’t look at me weird when I start making wookie sounds when trying to get up off of a sunken in leather sofa.

I’ll giggle and laugh at lots of things.  I like to laugh and I am a person (with a history of depression) who finds it important to see the humor in everything.  I laugh a lot.  You’re welcome to laugh with me.  We’ll have a giggle party.

I chew gum a lot.  I know this is totally disgusting to some people and completely unforgivable.  I don’t like to have bad breath.  I don’t like my mouth tasting yucky.  I make a very conscious effort not to be gross about my gum chewing, but I will still do it.  If it’s a choice between sewer mouth and a peek of gum in my mouth, I’m choosing the gum!

I’m not a super girlie-girl.  My nails will not be painted.  I have never had a manicure or a pedicure.  My nails are short and clean and that’s all I need.  I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and most of my clothes come from Target.  My hair will be doing it’s own thing (I gave up trying to control it years ago) and my makeup is always minimal.  I’ll be glad to listen to you passionately talk about your favorite shoes, just don’t expect me to jump in.  I’m lost in that area of conversation.

I am an anti-Apple person.  Don’t try to get me to touch your iPad or new iPhone because I will become so distraught that I may vomit.  Okay, maybe it’s not that dramatic, but I still don’t want to touch your Apple stuff.  Use it and enjoy it, just don’t try to convert me.

Twilight.  No.  Just, no.

If you are having a cocktail or a glass of wine in front of me, excuse me while I stare longingly at your beverage and lick my chops.  I’m having serious booze withdrawal in this pregnancy.  I’ll try not to start reciting love poetry to your drink.

While I’m not a morning person, I am not a foot-dragger either.  When I wake up I am awake and perky, even if it is 6 a.m.  Try not to punch me when I say “GOOD MORNING!” in a happy voice.  I’m pregnant.  And I wear glasses.  That’s just not a cool thing to do!

I think that should be adequate enough warning.

I hope everybody has a great time and is able to walk away from this conference with some new friends and contacts (maybe I’ll be one!).  See you all there!

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