Where I Get Mean (Crotchety, Rather)
While at the BlogHer conference, a friend of mine and I were hanging out with some other people when we noticed an absolute mob. We inquired about the mob and found out that these people were all hanging onto a big name blogger. Both of us had heard of the blogger but never really taken the time to read her. We exchanged a look that said, “What’s the big deal? It’s just another blogger. There are THOUSANDS here right now.”
Surely I’m not the only person who has noticed a heightened interest in celebrities, real or fake. So often I scratch my head and say to myself, “What’s the big deal?” Sometimes, I just don’t understand the need to make people celebrities. What happened to the days of celebrities being movie stars and athletes (only the good ones though!) and musicians? Who are some of these people I can’t seem to escape?
-Lady Gaga. She’s a pop singer, right? She’s a pop singer who seems to take every opportunity available to her to do something outrageous and stupid to be the center of attention. But why? Doesn’t her title as pop singer ultimately earn her a bunch of fans anyhow? Now I’ve never listened to her music. I never will. It’s not a slight against her, but rather her genre. But what the hell is with those outfits? No, I’m serious! Those things look like crotch-strangling-icky-suits. ICKY. There’s too much crotch and too much painful looking boobage. It’s like she’s trying to one up Madonna. Oh and then there are the stupid things she keep saying in magazine interviews. Her vagina is her place of creativity? Are you kidding me? Again, she’s a POP singer. POP. POP. POP. POP. What effing creativity (aside from her wardrobe) are we talking about here? The bottom line is this: Lady Gaga is someone who could have achieved fame and a loyal fan base just by being a little different and with her music. These crazy/stupid things she keeps doing and saying look like a desperate attempt to hold on to that fame and fan base when it’s not really needed.
-The Twilight kids. I’ve never read the books nor have I seen the movies. And that is not about to change. Look, I’m sure the stories are good. With a fan base as crazy as this, it has to be interesting. I’m not someone who thinks all my fellow humans are idiots. The only idiots are the ones who “Like” the Twilight page on Facebook. Yeah, I went there.
I am not interested in the stories. I prefer vampires and werewolves that want to murder people in a horrific and gory manner. Is that so wrong of me? But the hype surrounding these kids is nuts! Now I’m not old, but I’m not really all that young either. So please explain to me how a vampire who never washes his hair (and admits to such) is as desirable as Robert Pattinson?
Every picture taken of these kids shows them with their mouths hanging open and vacant gazes on their faces. Is that their attempt to look ethereal or dreamy? Well it’s not working, it makes them look high.
-Reality show train wrecks. Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE. Why are we buying in to news about people having public meltdowns or who celebrate the fact that they are basically worthless? It’s one thing to watch the shows (which I don’t!) and laugh at them, but it’s another thing when I see pictures of these people hanging out with real working celebrities and posing for pictures. Is it really that simple? Do I just go and get all oranged up on spray tan, go to the Jersey Shore and punch Snookie in the face while high on meth while wearing a skirt so short that you can see my yaya? Is that my ticket to fame? Why is this working for these people???? I’m so confused.
-Fake celebrities (a.k.a. sex tape celebrities). All you need is a rich parent and a tape of you having sex with some douchebag to hit the public and Voila! You’re a celebrity! Oh you’ll get paid for making appearances and for doing shitty reality shows on E! but does that really make you interesting enough to deserve the attention? Sure there will be pictures of you all over the place vacationing with real celebrities and you will be on every red carpet posing like your livelihood depends on it (because it does), but does that really make you a celebrity? To me, that sounds like all you’re doing is leaching off of the celebrity vibes and hoping the light stops on you long enough for someone to notice you. Please people, stop. Do something worthwhile that doesn’t involve modeling or singing or acting, because we all know you got those gigs simply by being “that person in the sex tape with what’s-his-face.” Go to college and get a degree. Get a job that requires steady hours and concentration. Be a REAL role model to little girls. One that says that brains and empowerment can mean just as much, if not more, than looks and popularity. But I’m talking to a wall, aren’t I? These fake celebrities only care about looks and popularity. Otherwise we wouldn’t know their names.
This whole rant started over my confession over not being star-struck over a certain celebrity blogger. Now, I mean no disrespect to that blogger. That person obviously WORKS for that attention and adoration. That person started at nothing and built a name and a brand up around a blog. That’s great. And I really mean that. The blogging superstars had to overcome a lot in order to get where they are. They had to overcome bias and dismissals that they were merely regular people keeping a diary online. I think we all know that it’s so much more than that, and that those people who broke out of the stereotypes deserve those paychecks because they WORK for them. You’ll just have to forgive me for not being all starry-eyed over having one 10 feet away from me. But then again, the only way I get all freaky fan-girl on someone is if their job mandates that they have a guitar slung across their hips. And that they play it really well. And that they write all their own music. Basically you have the be Jerry Cantrell for me to squeal and hang on to your every word. (I have a great story about an almost run in with Mr. Cantrell that I need to remember to share with you all some time.) And that’s it.
…..Okay, maybe Trent Reznor, too.
Hey Jen said,
August 11, 2010 @ 1:47 pm
teehee I know exactly what you are talking about.
We should really get all oranged up and punch the sparkly fucking vampires in the face!
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Tee hee!
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Aschlie said,
August 11, 2010 @ 2:00 pm
As a supplemental reading for school, I am reading”Hating Women: America’s Hostile Campaign Against the Fairer Sex” by Shmuley Boteach. You would really enjoy his views on reality TV and women entertainers (like Madonna & Britney Spears). It’s actually an entertaining read. I have never been around any celebrities enough to get star struck, so I don’t know how I would react. I am sure if I ran into Lady Gaga, I would have absolutely no idea who she was. If I, on the other hand, run into Doris Day, I might shit my pants. So my idea of a mega star is not conventional, by any standard. I may recognize some “celebrities” just because I see them in magazines while I’m stuck in line at Wal-Mart, but I don’t know that I would care to see them. Ok-I just thought of one I would go crazy for-Dolly Parton! I’d totally be star struck over her, lol. But that’s about it that I can think of right now.
I’m much more likely to act like a blubbering idiot in front of someone I find attractive in REAL life. In fact, this happens often. Real people are much more nervewracking than fake people (ie celebrities).
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
I have a book by Rabbi Shmuley! I like him
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FireMom said,
August 11, 2010 @ 2:18 pm
To be fair, the blogger they were mobbing is quite good. BUT? I still agree with you. I don’t “do” celebrities. When asked to pick my “favorite” or “sexiest” celeb, I never quite have an answer. I don’t pay enough attention. I like some TV shows, but I don’t tabloid stalk them. That said, like above, I ADORE Audrey Hepburn and might have been a groupie if she was still alive.
But, yeah, I thought it was silly, too.
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Any celebrities from days gone by I would have been weird over? Hmm…..how about a young Clint Eastwood? I totally dig that rough “I’ll punch your teeth in if you don’t quit making fun of my cowboy boots” vibe.
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sassymonkey Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Damn, I knew I liked you Jenna. Another Audrey Hepburn fan here. I possibly could have gotten fangirlish about Cary Grant as well.
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Hey Jen said,
August 11, 2010 @ 2:39 pm
Haha I probably wouldn’t recognize celebs even if watching them regularly. I rode the elevator with Bruce Jenner and had no idea till he got off and someone said something. I did recognize the sunshine guy from Jimmy Dean, but that was only because he was wearing his sun costume. Had he not been in costume I would never have recognized him and I even see the commercial regularly. I’m completely oblivious to people and their celebrity.
But then again, I am a celebrity that THEY should be all gaga over. That’s right, I’m fucking awesome dammit.
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
I’m still confused as to why Bruce Jenner was with Tropicana anyway. I didn’t see him. Could have walked right past the guy and not noticed. But, yes, I did see the Jimmy Dean sunshine guy and I smiled at him. Because the poor bastard was in a huge sunshine costume and must have been hot as hell.
Also, you are hilarious! And fucking awesome!
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Tarrant Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Someone told me Bruce Jenner was over there. I thought COOL WHEATIES!
The sunshine guy is special? I never watch tv and thought it was just a random guy in some horrid costume.
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Elizabeth said,
August 11, 2010 @ 3:35 pm
I’m totally clueless when it comes to recognizing celebs. Hubby worked in 2 very upscale hotels in Houston when he was younger and dealt with them all the time. He has very very little respect or tolerance for most of them. Once you hear the stories about how so-and-so hit his girlfriend, asked you to buy them drugs, skipped out w/o paying, brought the boytoy to the same hotel as his wife, treated staff like crap, etc. a LOT of the glamour is destroyed.
I’m with Aschlie up above- real people are more nervewracking!
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
I’d believe those stories, Elizabeth. I would. the sense of entitlement that comes with being famous can be disgusting sometimes.
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Tarrant said,
August 11, 2010 @ 8:57 pm
I tend to be hopeless at identifying “big name bloggers.” Really horrid. I mean it is so bad that they will introduce themselves saying “I know you don’t remember meeting me last year or the year before but…”
I also have put my foot in my mouth by saying nice things to a BlogHer who appears alone and friendless or shy only to get fussed at later “Do you know who that was?” Yes, she was a BlogHer who looked overwhelmed, alone, in need of a word from someone as clueless as I am.
I get hugged by people I don’t think I know…only to find out that I do. It is handy to have someone with me that I do know “Have you met my daughter Rebecca?” Said BlogHer says “Hi! I am ___________” Whereupon my token introduced person gets to give me the “You nut! How did you not recognize this one?” look.
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Hey Jen Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Now I know how I am going to preface talking to TW every chance ever.
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
*giggle*
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Tarrant Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Y’all had better. I totally will not recognize you. I really am bad at it. (ask Laurie White) For years the only blogger I could confidently id was Liz Henry–because of the hair. Hell, if she changes hair color I will be screwed.
Tarrant said,
August 11, 2010 @ 8:59 pm
Of course, I am also the blogger who sends random strays up to my room.
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Ha! That was funny when Denise was like, “who is this person coming up here??”
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Tarrant Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Shrug. It was like a rescue mission.
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sassymonkey said,
August 12, 2010 @ 5:54 pm
I don’t get the celebrity thing. I remember in university a rather famous Canadian musician came into the coffee shop I was studying in. I squeed on the inside (I’ll admit, fangirl! Plus he’s rather hot.) But that was it. People asked me why I didn’t get his autograph, etc. Um, he was getting his morning coffee. He was being a normal guy. Why would I bother him?
Because really, he’s just a guy. A guy that happens to be talented and recognized for his talent. (Well, and he’s hot.) He’s no different than you or I except that his talent means he gets to record music and videos and tour.
So yeah, I don’t get the celebrity blogger thing either. (Though I will say that if it is the person I think it is they are lovely.)
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Pauline said,
August 13, 2010 @ 8:47 am
Hi,
I’m new here and a little freaked out by your post, because it sounds, practically verbatim, like something I would write! (Even down to the Alice in Chains reference) LOL!
I don’t get the whole psychophant thing either and I hate how people put one another on pedestals, particularly when the people on these pedestals are all surface and have no real talent or skills. (Twilight and Lady Gaga come to mind)
It is not mean or crotchety to not buy into pop culture and celebrity worship 100%, it just implies that you are rational and can think for yourself.
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Somer Canon Reply:
August 13th, 2010 at 11:39 am
Ha! Well thanks for visiting, Pauline!
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