I have been accused once or twice of having road rage.  I’m not sure that I agree.  Sure, I might have a raging case of Constantly Annoyed While Driving (CAWD), but I don’t think it’s rage.

Yeah, I’ve flipped the bird at quite a few people.

Yeah, I’ve raced a stupid asshole weaving all over the road down a hill at 90+ MPH so I could get in front of him.  (BEFORE I HAD KIDS!  I would NEVER drive like that with my babies in the car.)

Yeah, I squeeze the steering wheel pretending like it’s a fellow driver’s neck and I am wringing the hell out of it.

But that’s not rage, right?

I’ve never actually stuck my head out of my car window and screamed at anybody (I don’t think!).

I’ve never thrown cups at other cars.

I’ve never purposely hit another car in a blind rage.

So you see, I could be worse.  But you now what?  Driving is insane.  I cannot believe how rude, inconsiderate and just FUCKING STUPID other drivers can be!  It shocks me how many people I see texting while driving, and I’ll tell you what, they are almost all older!  Like middle aged!  What the fuck are you people doing texting while driving?!?!  Aren’t you supposed to be practicing that “older but wiser” crap?  Jesus H. Christ!

So to vent some of my rage I am making a list of all the things that drive me completely bonkers while driving.  Enjoy, and I expect to see lists from my readers about what makes them crazy while driving.

-Inconsistent speed.  I know cruise control can be cool (I actually hate it) but is it that hard to ask that you occasionally glance down at the speedometer and check your speed?  When your speed ranges from 50-80 mph, that is just ridiculous!  OR when people speed up to pass a car in front of them, then pull in front of the other car and then SLOW DOWN.  WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PASS THEN?!?!  GAH!

-Not using blinkers or flipping the blinker AS YOU’RE TURNING.  Seriously, that’s a dick move.

-Getting distracted at stop lights and not noticing when the thing turns green.  Yes, I will honk at you if I am able to count to 5.  Wake the hell up.

-Distracted driving.  Texting, reading, putting on makeup, masturbating, shaving, painting fingernails, watching a movie on a dash-mounted dvd player, rolling a joint and/or cigarette, receiving oral sex, or changing clothes.  I have either myself seen or heard directly about these things happening WHILE DRIVING.  There are people carting CHILDREN around on those roads, how bad would you feel if you hit a car with two little babies in the back seat because you were distracted?  ASSBAGS!

-Driving under the influence.  If you’re caught doing it ONCE, you’re driver’s license should be taken away for a full year.  End of story.  If you’re caught doing it again after, no more driving for you, and if you are caught driving without a license because it was taken away for that very reason?  An ungodly amount of community service working as a grade school janitor cleaning up bathroom messes and puddles of puke.

-Driving really fast in bad weather.  Look, if you want to be stupid, that’s absolutely your business.  But in bad weather, any innocent driver on the road could be caught up in whatever accident you are begging for when not being cautious during times like that.

-Being overly cautious when it is only slightly raining.  You don’t need to go 20 mph on a highway because you need to use windshield wipers.  A little faster, please.

-RUBBER-NECKERS!  Do you know how infuriating it is to be caught in a terrible traffic jam only to find out that the only reason everything got backed up was because a cop had a car pulled over and people were being nibshits and staring?

-People who slam on their breaks and practically stop when they see a police car.  If you weren’t speeding in the first place, you don’t need to slam on your breaks damn it!

And my #1 rage-inducer:

-Tailgating.  DO NOT RIDE THE ASS OF THE CAR IN FRONT OF YOU.  I get mad when I see people do this to OTHER cars, don’t get me started about how I feel when it actually happens to me.  I would LOVE to have a light up sign to put in the back window of my car that had a simple on/off switch in the driver’s door panel that when turned on would say “Back up, you fuckwad.”  Or “Get off my ass or I’ll follow you home and run over you!”  Something along those lines.

My favorite site, BlogHer has been showcasing blog posts written by people who are annoyed with Facebook.  And oh, how I am loving these posts because I can SO relate.

I actually wrote about my social media annoyances before and talked about my personal annoyances.  However, since I am in a bit of a joining mood today, I thought I’d make a list of my own.  As I’ve said before, if we are friends on a social network, there is a reason for it.  I like you for the most part.  We all get on each other’s nerves from time to time and I’m sure I’ve annoyed a few of my followers before.

1.  The constant grumpy Gus’ and whiners.  It drives me up the wall when people only get on Facebook to complain.  Can’t you just insert a happy occurrence every now and then?  Is your life really that terrible? Do you realize that your constant complaining is making you look like a bit of a jerk?

2.  The super-happy-exclamation-point-overusing-people!!!  Nobody’s life is that happy.  Exclamation points should not be overused.  Your significant other is NOT that great.  You’re coming off as cult-following happy and you make me want to squeeze lemon juice in my eyes to forget your over-use of happy.

(Hehe, I realize the first two are sort of conflicting.  But trust me, opposite ends of the same spectrum are equally annoying!)

3.  The dry flat commenters.  I don’t know if I’m the only person who gets annoyed by this, but let me explain.  Say you post a really witty and funny update and immediately a comment is left by the buzzkill.  This person uses only periods and question marks as punctuation (I like exclamation points, just not an overuse!)  They never miss an opportunity to leave a comment so dry and obvious that it sucks any and all humor from your update.  In real life, this person may be quite funny and delightful, but for some reason their online persona is so un-funny that you feel a sense of instant annoyance at seeing that they commented.

4. The OhMyGodILoveYouSoMuch couple.  SHUT THE FUCK UP.

5.  The “repost this” bullies.  I HATE HATE HATE reading the line “I know that 97% of my friends won’t repost this, but maybe you’re part of the 3%.”  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  Jesus does not care how many reposts he gets.  Reposting will not cure cancer.  Reposting will not make me feel any less annoyed with you for sending me that damned thing to begin with.

6.  The super-left or super-right political grouches.  It’s a HUGE annoyance when you sum the whole world’s problems up by saying it’s all because of President X or the liberals or the conservatives.  Are you people ever going to grow out of the finger-pointing stage?

7.  People who change their profile pictures more than once a week.  It gets confusing and WHY are you taking so many pictures of yourself??

8.  Parents who friend my husband but not me and then tell him to say  hi to me for them through FB instead of calling me or messaging me themselves.  I realize this is personal, but that WAS A DICK MOVE.

I guess that it’s good that I couldn’t go any further.  I actually love a lot of the people I follow.  They are smart, funny, and share great things through these social media sites which makes me feel that I am getting the best possible use for these sites.

But seriously, I need to unfriend a few people.

I love movies that have a lot of action and explosions and guns shooting.  I prefer weird monsters in these movies, but you just can’t beat a good action movie in my opinion.  Usually, I am not entirely bothered with the fact that these movies are always centered around men and women are basically background noise.

That is until the woman is made the center.

Why is it that so many action movies starring women are still geared almost 100% to men?

Let’s have a small touch of reality (on a subject that is totally fiction, I know).  When men are the stars of these movies, their clothing is completely utilitarian.  They get dirty and sweaty.  Their shoes are flat.  When it comes to outrunning a foe or trekking through the wilderness, flat shoes are a must.  Right?

Then why is it that when a woman is the hero (or even co-ass-kicker) she has perfect hair, perfect makeup, and totally ridiculous clothes?  As a woman and movie-goer, I don’t give a flying fuck if I can see the woman’s cleavage or if the actress is sufficiently thin.

You know what character is a GREAT woman of action?  Ellen Ripley (played by Sigourney Weaver in the Alien movies).  I like the character of Ellen Ripley because she’s not a totally unrealistic badass as some female heroes are sometimes written to be.  With the exclusion of any Alien movies after the third, Ellen Ripley is simply a woman able to keep her wits about her while still being scared to death of her opponents.  She has her badass moments, but she’s mostly having knee-jerk reactions to having a big fucking alien hot on her heels.  She sweats, her hair is out of her face, there is no makeup on her face, she’s not wearing a mini skirt and her shoes are not spiked heels.  It’s so simple.  She’s sexy because she’s strong and smart, not because she looks like GI Barbie.

I also like Uma Thurman’s The Bride from the Kill Bill movies.  If you’re going to do an unrealistic badass assassin and you want it to be a woman, that was a pretty good way to show it.  Those movies were crazy over-the-top but I was never distracted by The Bride’s perfect hair or unsmudged makeup.  I was never screaming at the television about ridiculous wardrobe choices.

Oh I know that there are many many movies where they put the men in stupid clothes too.  Conan the Barbarian is a personal favorite, but I seriously doubt a Norse man would have been running around the land wearing nothing but leather speedos.

I guess the point I’m driving at is that I know I’m not the only woman who loves these genres of movies.  I also know I’m not the only woman who is confused and annoyed at the way female heroes are portrayed sometimes.  Can’t these women be ass-kickers without looking cover-ready for some fashion magazine (or male peekaboo magazine)?  Can’t they be held to the same standards of cool/badass that male action stars are held to?