If I have not yet made it abundantly clear on here before that I am a HUGE Alice in Chains fan…well, go back and reread what has already been written.  Go ahead.

Seriously my favorite band.

When we lived in Seattle, I almost got to see them in concert AND get to meet them backstage.

The company that Jessie worked for out there was a small start-up at the time and I worked there for a short time getting some things organized (poorly) and just helping with getting things started.  In this time, I’m sure I mentioned to the owner of the company at least 100 times that I am a huge fan of AIC.  A little over a year after we moved out there, the company offered to be one of the sponsors for a charitable concert.  I was told that the reason was not only for marketing reasons, but because AIC was going to be playing at this concert.  I had a ticket and a pass to go backstage and meet the guys.

But wait a motha-fuckin’ minute!  That concert was going to be happening VERY shortly after I gave birth to my first baby and I didn’t know anybody in Washington who could babysit.

The way things worked out with having to have a c-section and all, I wasn’t able to go.  I was pretty sour about the whole situation.

When we moved back East to PA, lucky me, the band had just released a new album and was touring to promote it.  They were coming to Philly and I could go see them because we are close to my mom and she could have watched Lukas!  YES!

Wait…I was pregnant again and the concert date was very close to when my baby was due.

Due to ANOTHER EFFING C-section and complications stemming from that, I wasn’t able to make the concert.

Damn my baby-making timing!

I’ve been to a couple of concerts in my life and have actually HATED them.  Pushy pre-teens who get all punch-drunk, hippies screwing under an old blanket, being bored to tears because it was TOBY KEITH singing….not good.

I’m not sure I’d be up for going to an AIC concert if I really thought about it.  I mean, do I want to be around a bunch of horny middle aged women and teenagers who are flashing their boobs at Jerry?  Do I want to be standing beside some large bald guy singing along with the music as loud as he can out-of-tune?

As easily annoyed as I am, would I really want to do that?

Maybe.  If I got a backstage pass and could stand around being uncomfortable and not kn0wing what to say to anybody.  Because, you know, I’m smooth like that and not at all awkward around guys I used to have raging horny crushes on as a younger gal.
Who’s your favorite band/musician and have you ever missed an opportunity to see them?

I have been accused once or twice of having road rage.  I’m not sure that I agree.  Sure, I might have a raging case of Constantly Annoyed While Driving (CAWD), but I don’t think it’s rage.

Yeah, I’ve flipped the bird at quite a few people.

Yeah, I’ve raced a stupid asshole weaving all over the road down a hill at 90+ MPH so I could get in front of him.  (BEFORE I HAD KIDS!  I would NEVER drive like that with my babies in the car.)

Yeah, I squeeze the steering wheel pretending like it’s a fellow driver’s neck and I am wringing the hell out of it.

But that’s not rage, right?

I’ve never actually stuck my head out of my car window and screamed at anybody (I don’t think!).

I’ve never thrown cups at other cars.

I’ve never purposely hit another car in a blind rage.

So you see, I could be worse.  But you now what?  Driving is insane.  I cannot believe how rude, inconsiderate and just FUCKING STUPID other drivers can be!  It shocks me how many people I see texting while driving, and I’ll tell you what, they are almost all older!  Like middle aged!  What the fuck are you people doing texting while driving?!?!  Aren’t you supposed to be practicing that “older but wiser” crap?  Jesus H. Christ!

So to vent some of my rage I am making a list of all the things that drive me completely bonkers while driving.  Enjoy, and I expect to see lists from my readers about what makes them crazy while driving.

-Inconsistent speed.  I know cruise control can be cool (I actually hate it) but is it that hard to ask that you occasionally glance down at the speedometer and check your speed?  When your speed ranges from 50-80 mph, that is just ridiculous!  OR when people speed up to pass a car in front of them, then pull in front of the other car and then SLOW DOWN.  WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PASS THEN?!?!  GAH!

-Not using blinkers or flipping the blinker AS YOU’RE TURNING.  Seriously, that’s a dick move.

-Getting distracted at stop lights and not noticing when the thing turns green.  Yes, I will honk at you if I am able to count to 5.  Wake the hell up.

-Distracted driving.  Texting, reading, putting on makeup, masturbating, shaving, painting fingernails, watching a movie on a dash-mounted dvd player, rolling a joint and/or cigarette, receiving oral sex, or changing clothes.  I have either myself seen or heard directly about these things happening WHILE DRIVING.  There are people carting CHILDREN around on those roads, how bad would you feel if you hit a car with two little babies in the back seat because you were distracted?  ASSBAGS!

-Driving under the influence.  If you’re caught doing it ONCE, you’re driver’s license should be taken away for a full year.  End of story.  If you’re caught doing it again after, no more driving for you, and if you are caught driving without a license because it was taken away for that very reason?  An ungodly amount of community service working as a grade school janitor cleaning up bathroom messes and puddles of puke.

-Driving really fast in bad weather.  Look, if you want to be stupid, that’s absolutely your business.  But in bad weather, any innocent driver on the road could be caught up in whatever accident you are begging for when not being cautious during times like that.

-Being overly cautious when it is only slightly raining.  You don’t need to go 20 mph on a highway because you need to use windshield wipers.  A little faster, please.

-RUBBER-NECKERS!  Do you know how infuriating it is to be caught in a terrible traffic jam only to find out that the only reason everything got backed up was because a cop had a car pulled over and people were being nibshits and staring?

-People who slam on their breaks and practically stop when they see a police car.  If you weren’t speeding in the first place, you don’t need to slam on your breaks damn it!

And my #1 rage-inducer:

-Tailgating.  DO NOT RIDE THE ASS OF THE CAR IN FRONT OF YOU.  I get mad when I see people do this to OTHER cars, don’t get me started about how I feel when it actually happens to me.  I would LOVE to have a light up sign to put in the back window of my car that had a simple on/off switch in the driver’s door panel that when turned on would say “Back up, you fuckwad.”  Or “Get off my ass or I’ll follow you home and run over you!”  Something along those lines.

I am very fond of my brother.  I love it when he calls me or texts me in the evenings.  We talk about books and movies mostly or we reminisce about days gone by.

We were texting tonight I was poking fun at him calling him a jerkface and I suddenly remembered how when we were kids we would twist the other’s name to be ridiculous and annoying to the other.

His name is Brandon.  I called him Brandy, Brandumb, Brando, B.J., and even blowjob a few times.  When we were little he would scream at me to shut up but as we got older he learned to giggle about it.

He called me Somer-Bummer, Somer-Dumber, and my personal favorite, Sunburn.  Sunburn still makes me giggle with pride because that one is pretty good.  Creative.  Smart-assy.  Annoying.

When he was a toddler, he would get my name and “supper” mixed up.  He called me Supper all the time and it drove me crazy.

As adults, my brother and I like each other a lot.  I know a lot of siblings aren’t so lucky.  I know I’m lucky and I am grateful to not have feelings other than love and adoration towards my brother.

I hope my boys have something similar, but that kind of stuff always works out in weird ways, doesn’t it?  I never thought as children that my brother and I would get along as well as we do.  When it comes to all out brawls, we could have sold Pay-Per-View tickets.

I know more people who DON’T get along with siblings.

I’m lucky.

And nobody can call me “Sunburn” except my brother or I’ll have to pour  bottle of ketchup on your head.